The proverbial bell

It's been a while. Obviously. It's annoying to say that, but oddly necessary for my mental well being. Speaking of, I'm doing pretty well. Got to do a staged reading of my friend Garrett's play. Starting a new Pathfinder group in the world of Maelstrom that I created in high school. Still doing games nights and speaking at church. Getting pretty lonely though. Eh. It sucks, but I have great friends, so I feel kinda guilty for feeling like that. Not much I can do though. One thing I do need to do is get in contact with some peeps again. Berge, Becky, Carl, Annette, and Adrian in particular. That'll at least keep me busy. Man, these would be so boring for anyone to read! Except me, which is who this is for really, so no biggie I guess! And maybe some day I'll find someone who finds these interesting and we'll get happily married. Sigh... The angst.

The Struggle is Real!

When people say' "Science has disproved God." here's what I think.

Person A: "I think that this box we call the universe has a creator."
Person B: "No that's not true!"
Person A: "Well why not?"
Person B: "Because we have looked over every inch of that box, and we haven't found a creator."
Parson A: "..."

FTW

Ladies and gentlemen, you may not know this, but I play on a soccer team. This soccer team is named Infinity. Tonight I scored not a goal, not a point, but a moment. The goalie of the opposing team had run out of the net, as all of our team was up, except me. The one game this season I decided to play defense, and I had stood back, as a good defense should. Time slowed down a little, the goalie hit the first line on the field. Time slowed again, I could see the little stress lines as he battled to keep away from our center, who was struggling valiantly to retrieve the ball. He reached midfield and slid, hoping to get the ball around me, but it jumped right over his leg and towards my waiting figure. It was the perfect setup. The ball coming directly towards me, no weird spin, no opposing players, just me and the ball. The moment of connection was exhilarating, a moment of pressure, then I watched as the ball sailed up, up, up, much too high to stay in the field. It was a valiant effort, but too much power, not enough control. I watched as the other players started to walk back into position. But then... The ball reentered my vision, it still hadn't touched the netting above the goal, it was still floating, perfectly content, perfectly in bounds. And then, thunk. The screen at the back of the net shuddered, and a whistle blew. There was a second of confusion but all eyes turned to the net. The ball... was in.

Greetings to the groupies

Hello again dearest internet, it's been a while. It seems that the only time I actually write on here is when there's something bothering me, which is fine, cuz that's kind of what this was for in the first place, but at the same time I feel that this gives a rather incomplete picture of me. Cuz I'm ordinarily a rather positive person. I almost never complain about anything, and I'm emotionally stable. Although you probably already knew that didn't you?
Anyways, there's many things on my mind right now. Missing friends, missing friendships, worrying for friends, worrying about jobs, life, career, if I really do have any idea what I'm doing. You know, the usual. There's nothing wrong really. I guess I could complain that I still don't have a job while I thought I'd have one by last Monday. I could complain that no one came to games night. I could complain about a lot. Well, actually I can only think of two other things, but I'm sure I could come up with more if I applied myself. So, despite my very rough outline of what I was planning on writing tonight (you know how I love plans) I'm going to write about something else. Maybe a little about Relient K. Now, I think I've already posted the song on an earlier post, and I'm too lazy to check at the moment, so I'm just going to say it's from their new album and it's called Don't Blink. Look it up on youtube if you're so inclined. I'm going to write the lyrics and then decide what I think about each of them! Good idea Ryan!

Don’t know where to go from here
My thoughts are tangled twisted fears
Been waiting a while now on the dawn
Seems like the sun may never come

I made my way through the darkest night
To the break of day on the other side
For some time the light’s been creeping in
Now I’m feeling like I could trust again

You’re the only person who reminds me
Love is beautiful and true
Life is beautiful and new
Oh, you’re the only person who reminds me

Hold on now
Don’t you blink or it’s gone
I've been terrified of life for way too long
Oh, no now don’t you blink or it’s gone
In another life who knows what we’d become?

Love is beautiful and true
Life is beautiful and new

Been making plans and drawing maps
I plan to take the righteous path
And hope and pray it leads me back
To all the happiness I had

Been making lists and crossing off
Every kiss that wasn't love
And every word that stretched the truth
Like when she said she loved me
You’re the only person who reminds me

Hold on now
Don’t you blink or it’s gone
I've been terrified of life for way too long
Oh, no now don’t you blink or it’s gone
In another life who knows what we’d become?

Hold on now
Don’t you blink or it’s gone
Oh oh oh oh
Oh, no now don’t you blink or it’s gone
In another life who knows what we’d become?

Love is beautiful and true
Life is beautiful and new

Been making lists and crossing off
Every kiss that wasn’t love
And every word that stretched the truth
Like when she said she loved me

So I copy pasted it from a website. Sue me. Also, they mixed up the order, so I fixed it. I'm no sheep! Anyways, I'm just gonna go through this systematically and we'll see what happens shall we? (I hate words with double letters by the way)
Well, the very start kind of sums up what's going on right now. At this exact moment. At this particular point in history. I don't know where my thoughts are going or where I'm going to end up. Oh boy. Like I said, there's nothing particularly wrong, but there hasn't really been for a long time. Just waiting for the sun to come again.
This next part reminds me of my baptism. Out of the darkest night and into the light. But for me, the light has really been creeping. Or maybe I've been hiding from it in my room. I do spend a lot of time in here. But I go out and do stuff! I just held a games night! I started my own bible study! Blech. I don't know that I'm ready to trust again. I just keep getting burned. And by burned I mean, like, the house burned down kind of burned.
You're the only person who reminds me... That used to be Grace. Then it was Rayne. But Grace is gone, doing her thing, and Rayne is off with her wonderful new boyfriend. Blech. Why can I only see the beauty of life sometimes? Every day it's a toss up of whether I'll be able to be happy or not. Sometimes, for no reason as far as I can tell, I just can't be happy. I honestly do try, cuz frankly I'm tired of being unhappy, but trying just isn't doing it. I don't get me. I just laughed because I misspelled something and thought it was funny. Am I happy or not? Huh. Love is beautiful and true. I disagree. Only true love is, and I have yet to see that. Eh, maybe I'm just a disgruntled old man. And, as I said before, maybe tomorrow I'll be back to the fun loving old me and I'll believe again. I just feel like I'm swimming against the current sometimes. And I'm not a fan of water.
Don't you blink or it's gone. This seems to be a musical go to almost. Which is why I'm kind of surprised to hear it in a Relient K song. They've always impressed me with their incredibly witty and fun lyrics. Not that it's bad, I just wasn't expecting a well used musical trope. Whatever. It's true though. It's about really living in the moment and not letting yourself get distracted from what's happening right now. And from experience I also read in it that you have to stay totally engaged in the moment. If you let yourself slip, if you don't do your best, it's gone. Sometimes there are no second chances. Moving on. I've been terrified of life for way too long. Hmm... There's just something about that line that resonates with me. I don't know why. Maybe I'm scared of failing at the important things. I can do well on trivial things. A test, a coffee, a game. But on the really important things I seem to consistently fall flat on my face. Friendships, romance, love, God... I keep building up the courage to give it another go, and then ruin it. I feel like it's always my fault. I am terrified.
Mmm... Cheery. Alrighty! Plans and Maps! Woot! I love plans! And maps! Did I ever tell you that I used to do cartography as a hobby? I absolutely loved drawing detailed maps and measuring the distances and angles to the nearest millimeter. Sigh... Good times. I still am designing board games. A little bit of a slow season at the moment, but that always happens. Josh and I were working on a Pokemon board game, and Kyle and I are going to be working on a Mall builder/Sims kind of board game over the summer. I think Grace would be really excited with some of our ideas! Anyways, that's enough fun. Back to the serious business of song lyrics ruminating and evaluating. I haven't really been working all that hard at the righteous path for a while. I don't know why. Probably because I feel like it never helped anything, and was a bit of a bother. Well aren't I just the model Christian! Eh? Eh? I'm going to save this for tonight, cuz I want to move on. I'll just say that I miss the passion I had about God, and I have no idea how to get it back. Which, oddly enough, leads me directly to the end of this verse. I miss being really happy. I had that as a kid, with Carsyn, with Grace. Now I'm just wandering. Pathetic.
Just let me say, that this bridge doesn't sound nearly as impressive and utterly heart moving when it's just at normal volume. No, this bridge (and whole song if you're into that) is meant to be played at full volume. Crank the computer, crank the music player, crank the stereo. Mmm. Delicious. Here's the thing though. I don't always live in the past. I usually don't. But sometimes I just hurt. It reminds me of a song by Nevertheless. "They say time is a healer, it's more like a concealer for a scar." I have to say I agree with this. Now that doesn't make me a pessimist or a cynic, it's just that, from my experience, this is totally true. Maybe it's just the case that I let the scab get ripped off before it's actually healed, but I still hurt from every single time I was told that I wasn't worth it, through words or actions. Or the even more fun one where I heard the words "I don't love you anymore." I hope with all my heart that you never hear those words. There is nothing I have ever heard that have crushed me as much as those words. Which, now that I think of it, may be the reason that I'm so scared to go after God. What if he, like so many important people in my life, also says that? It's that stupid battle between the head and the heart. What I know holds no sway over what I feel. I hope that's normal. I'd hate to be the only one who feels this helpless about emotions.
Then it's chorus, alternate chorus, prechorus, bridge, end. In the morning, I'm going to listen to that silly song at full volume. I can't right now cuz it's past midnight.

So... That was fun wasn't it? I wonder, am I living a facade and only really unearth anything when I'm here on my blog, safe from the eyes of the world, or is it here, where I dredge up any potential crap and bring it to fruition? Am I a happy go lucky fun bucket, or a despondent, cynical, and dry man? Or maybe I'm a little of both, and I'm just waiting for someone to crack me. Or maybe... I'm... Batman?

simply being loved

Ah life. I still swear in my head a lot... I should really be working on Astronomy. Or drama. Or memorizing. Or writing up QR codes.
What do you do when you actually wish you didn't exist? I mean, obviously it's not an always feeling, but seriously. What if love really is the absolute most important thing and you find yourself without it? Now I'm not saying I'm not loved. There isn't a shadow of doubt in my mind that I am. But what about when you don't feel it at all? But you can't exactly tell anyone because you know that if they do decide to do something it'll be because of my asking and not their giving. And it's selfish isn't it? To be lonely in a crowd of people. Rayne told me today that I'd been "mopey" ever since Christmas on and off. First I analyzed to see if I had changed any, and I haven't noticed any changes in me. But then I thought to see if there were any external changes. The one that I can think of, and that would make the most sense of any mopeyness, is that I was no longer in a relationship. But I knew that I shouldn't be in that relationship, so I tried to figure out why the effects hadn't worn off yet. It's because I didn't have anyone feeding me love. I don't know if you know this, but I get love from touch. Gifts, kinda nice; encouraging words, don't care; acts of service, I'll take it; Hanging out, certainly helps, but touch me, and it makes me feel worthwhile. It makes me think that maybe I'm not gross, that maybe I'm not repulsive, that I too am worth being near. You may think I'm joking, but I'm really not. I know that's not what it means, but my heart doesn't give a shit what my head thinks. The truth is, I struggle every day with my self worth. I struggle to see myself as someone worth caring about, worth loving. The truth is, I just want to feel loved again. If there's one thing that I got from my relationship with Grace, it was love. I may have been frustrated with the expression, but I never felt that she didn't love me (until near the end of course). I miss that. I miss her. I don't care what she did to me, I miss her. I realize that makes me a hopeless hang on, but I miss her. I've given her her freedom, but I honestly want to bump into her somewhere and talk for hours. She still has my heart. We'll never be in a relationship again, and I think that's a good thing, but if she reached out to me, I would do everything in my power to help her. I guess  my heart has no return address. I gave it, and it's gone. Maybe I'll be able to give it again, but I'm not up for that. I crave the intimacy and love, but I can't commit to someone again. Not now. I'm sorry this is rambley and there isn't really a point to it, but no one reads this anyways. Just me. Right now, I wish I didn't exist.

Lent

Well, for Lent I've made a very late decision to give up Youtube and Twitch until Easter. This means that I now have two of my biggest time sucks gone, so I should be getting a lot more useful things done! It also gives me a chance to write on here a lot more, which is something I really want to do. I'm still not a fan of writing, but I feel like this is good for me or something. I don't really have anything to say today. Mom and dad sent me money for rent and to pay my credit card, so that's awesome. I've started reading my Bible in the mornings instead of at random times, so we'll see how that goes. I've also started doing a little exercise every morning. The thing is that I haven't done that in so long that I pushed myself too hard and kind of hurt myself, so I'll pull it right back until I'm back to super strength. Sounds like a plan! Also, I've been walking to school, which has been nice. It's got me listening to music again, which I like. That's about it! Bye!

Timpany Hall

Nothing to do with the title, here's a photo I found that I wish I lived by more. It's just that feelings and I don't work together so well. I always forget their names, and I hate crowds, so I can only handle one, maybe two.

Feel free to skip

Greetings everyone! This is just going to be a nonsense post because I want to write a post and I have for a while, but I haven't had something that I really wanted to write about. So I'm just gonna start and then finish later. Cuz that's how it usually goes. Hmm... I really miss Lizzy. I haven't seen her in a very long time and I just miss her. I think it's cuz we think so much alike. We were like brother and sister in college. I really miss that, but now it's distance and you know how much trouble I have with that... I really hate distance. It makes me miss out on my love languages and I can't use what I usually do to express my love. I think I usually express with words of affirmation, which I guess can work long distance, but it really isn't the same, and also gifts. I really like giving gifts. But again it's just not the same. Sometimes it sucks being an actor. It's so hard to communicate without being present. When you're talking to someone in the same room you can have long non-awkward pauses, you can take cues from facial expressions, you can communicate with more than just boring old words. Which is another thing that I've been frustrated with lately. I've been feeling lots of stuff, but I just haven't been able to figure out how to express it. Words are just so useless sometimes. They just aren't powerful enough. Maybe that's because we exaggerated so much that when something truly stunning or amazing or terrible happens, we've run out of the really strong words to describe it, so all we have left is adding lots of "really, really..."s. Lame. I still don't have a job. Which is frustrating, but David just dropped off my resume at Marble Slab and put in a good word for me, so I'm not too worried. Although I still need the money for rent on May 1st, so with the way things are looking I'm gonna have to ask dad for money again. I really want to sarcastically say "Thanks God" but I don't even know if I expected him to do anything. I dunno. Faith is really hard right now. Just not having any feeling to it and reading the Bible is getting really dry. I was thinking about getting baptized but I'm just not sure what the point is. I think Grace agrees with me on that. She didn't seem to care too much when I told her I was thinking about it. But she's dealing with something, I have no idea what, so I guess it might just be that. We've not been seeing eye to eye lately, and I'm wondering if her feeling whatever it is she's feeling is what's making it seem so bad. I'm not feeling it right now, but I was really angry (see, it's a really) at Grace. We were talking about politics of all things, and I mentioned that Wildrose is the only party that isn't specifically pro abortion. And then Grace just replied that that wasn't really all that important to her. It was really devastating actually. And that's not an exaggeration. I just felt so completely alone. I mean, every one of my friends here, with the single exception of Michelle who I barely ever see, is not a christian, and it just felt like I had lost my last bit of support. I mean, isn't that what being in a relationship is all about? Being there for each other, supporting each other? I guess I can't really get mad that she thinks something different than me, I mean it's bound to happen and it's not like she betrayed me or anything. No. You know what? It's not that she disagreed with me. We've disagreed before and dealt with it. It's that she didn't care about something that is so important. Especially now. I mean, she is the last person in the world that I would expect to have a secular worldview and she does! I mean, the Bible clearly teaches that murder is wrong and there isn't really all that much more to say! I mean, God directly saying something seems to be clear enough to me! And on that note, why are you so condoning, more than that, encouraging of homosexuality? Again, God very clearly, very directly says that it is a sin and that we aren't to encourage sin! If you disagree with God then why the hell would you call yourself a Christian? Isn't the very definition being a follower of Christ? A follower of God? You're not following him! You are saying something directly in opposition to him. That seems to me to be the very opposite of Christianity. I know that we discussed homosexuality before, and I completely forget what was said, so I think we'll have to do that again, and here's the thing. I really wish I didn't care about this as much as I do. I really wish that I could just let you be wrong, but I can't. God has given me a passion for the truth and when I know what the truth is I need for you to hear it and understand it and agree with it. And I know that I don't know everything, but I do know some things and I do know what I'm talking about now. And feel free to completely disregard everything I'm saying here, but if you do, know that you are disregarding a foundation of who I am. I'm sorry. Just a few notes on abortion before I move on to something unimportant and that doesn't make my stomach sick. I looked up the stats, and found that 42 million abortions are performed every year. That's 115,000 a week or about 16,000 every single day. The second world war was only able to claim 60 million lives in six years. That is terrible. But with abortions we've managed to have a genocide of 252 million babies in the same stretch of time. And it doesn't even phase people. That is truly terrifying. You mentioned that they weren't really even people, but then I would like to ask, what exactly are they? I can tell you that they definitely aren't pigs. They're not dogs, cats, or any other kind of animal. They're human. They're fetuses, then babies, then kids, then adults, then elders. It doesn't suddenly transform into a human being. It's not like it's something inside the womb and then suddenly at birth it instantly transforms into something else. Location, location, location is not the word. I can't see how you can't see. Now I'm done.
So, to get myself out of this bad mood I've gotten myself into, I want to talk about League of Legends. It's a game that I've been playing a lot now that classes are over and I have no job, and I love it. Which is good, because otherwise I think I would go nuts. Anyways it's an Action RTS game (that's Real Time Strategy) in which you and four other people team up together and duke it out against another team of either five other people or computer players. The goal of the game is to destroy the other team's nexus with each team having one on either side of the map. There are three paths connecting the two nexuses and each path is guarded by three towers for each side. The towers deal a ton of damage to the Champions (players) and so you need to destroy them with the help of your minions, little weak computer controlled guys that are really only good for a meat shield. The minions can't be commanded and they just blindly walk along their path until they come across an enemy and then they attack it. So what you have to do is destroy the enemy's minions so that you can follow your minions along to the enemy tower, where you can hammer away at it, while your minions take all the tower's attacks. Defeating minions also gives you gold, so it's a main part of playing the game. Each person playing chooses a Champion and each Champion has something that they specialize in. There are five main types of champions with I shall explain now. If you are still reading this you either really think I'm interesting, or are just as much of a game design freak as I am. Purple Monkey Dishwashers. Anyways, the five types are Tank, Carry, Support, Jungler, and Off-tank. Gotta poo. Be right back. Back! A Tank's job is to stay alive for a long time and keep the other's teams attention. As such, they have tons of health and armor, and they try to stay out in front of their team and be the first to charge in and cause some chaos. The Carry's job is to deal tons of damage. As such they focus on building up their attack and magic damage and not any defensive items. So the Tank protects them. But if they get caught alone by a few enemies, they'll die in a few seconds if they're not careful. The Support is the most interesting and hardest type of Champion, and as such is the one that I am most determined to perfect. Their job is to support the team in any way they can. So that means speeding up their team, slowing down the other team, being able to place wards so they can see when an enemy tries to sneak up on the Carry, and to build items that grant bonuses to their teammates. They usually aren't all that strong, but they are very important because they can tip the balance just a little in the charge and with a few well placed disables. Very tricky. The next is the Jungler! The Jungler is my second favorite, and their job is to be sneaky and do ganks (a quick kill with another teammate). They're called the Jungler because in between the three paths there is a jungle, and in the jungle there are neutral monsters and some of which grant bonuses when defeated. The Jungler usually runs around in there and, since he's already running around so much, helps out on any of the paths (aka lanes) that needs some help. The Jungler is usually quite fast and able to heal himself since he doesn't have any backup. He is the backup basically. And last is the Off-tank. The off-tank's job is to be in between the attack of the Carry and the health of the Tank. They basically make up for whatever the team is lacking in. They're the Jack-of-all-Trades. They're fun because they can deal some pretty good damage, but won't be completely screwed if caught out by themselves. Alrighty! Now that I've told you about the types of Champions, I'm going to tell you about the Champions that I usually play as. Since you usually don't get to chose your teammates, you have to be able to play more than one type of character. Otherwise you'll have a team made completely of Carries that will kill two enemies very very fast and then all die. So, I've been playing as Anivia, who is a Carry/Support, Ryze, who is  a Carry, Warwick, who is a Jungler/Off-tank, Janna and Soraka, who are both Support, and my current favorite, Singed, who is a Tank/Off-tank. As you can see, a few of the champions can play two different rolls, depending on what items you build and what skills you level up. Each champion has four skills and a passive ability. As the game goes on, your Champion will level up and you can increase the levels of your skills and spend the money made by defeating minions and Champions on items. And now I shall describe in detail each of the Champions I like to play! Isn't this just so much fun? I'm having fun!
First, Anivia. Anivia is a flying ice bird that I like to call Articuno! She is quite slow, but also really powerful. Her passive is that every four minutes, if she drops to zero health she can turn into an egg and resurrect if the egg isn't destroyed. Really handy early game, but late game the egg can be destroyed in a matter of seconds so not so useful. Her first ability is a skill shot, meaning it has to be manually aimed as opposed to just clicking on the enemy and hitting him, but it shoots a ball of ice that explodes and stuns anyone in the explosion. Really handy to slow someone down either to beat on them a bit, or allow an ally to catch up. Her second ability is to create a wall of ice that gets bigger the more it's leveled up. This lets her stop enemies from chasing her, block an enemy from running away, or suddenly divide an enemy team in half. It's really hard to time right though, so I'm still working on it. Her third ability is called Frostbite and it sends out an icicle that does a lot of damage and the damage is doubled if the enemy was hit by Anivia's first or last ability recently. Her last ability, called an Ultimate, is to create a small snowstorm that damages any enemy in it and slows them down a lot. So, Anivia has the potential to do some really damaging attacks, but her abilities also allow her to be an effective Support with her slow, stun, and wall. Hard to master, but fun to play!
Next is Ryze, a magician with a big scroll strapped to his back. Ryze is great because all he does is beat the snot out of one guy at a time. Really simple. His passive reduces his cooldowns whenever he uses an ability, which basically means that he can use his abilities all in a row really really fast. His first ability is just to throw a big ball of magic. It does lots of damage. That's all. His second ability traps an enemy in a magic cage for a few seconds and deals some damage. Good for keeping them there to hammer on. His third ability is to shoot out a ball of magic that bounces around a few times. It does barely any damage, but it lowers the enemy's resistances, so the rest of Ryze's abilities will do more damage. Ryze's ultimate is kinda useless, but sounds and looks cool. It makes any of his abilities do damage to anyone around the guy hit and heals Ryze for a little bit of health. It's only really useful for taking down a wave of minions or to create a bit of confusion in an enemy team. So Ryze is simple, easy, and pretty fun.
Next is Warwick, who was my favorite, but I haven't played him in a while. He is a werewolf. His passive heals him a tiny bit whenever he attacks anything, so it's pretty handy to a Jungler. His first ability does a pretty good amount of damage and heals him for a percent of the damage he did. His second ability lets him and any allies near him attack faster for a few seconds. Again, great for a Jungler cuz it lets him make full use of his passive without needing backup. His third ability gives him a movement bonus if he's near an enemy with less than half health. This makes him great at ganks because he and his teammate can get the enemy down to half in a few seconds with the element of surprise, and then Warwick suddenly is a lot faster and can chase the enemy down if he tries to run away. Warwick's ultimate lets him jump out at an enemy and suppress them for a few seconds (so they can't do anything at all) and damages the enemy and heals Warwick. Great to use and then chase with his third ability. So Warwick is a great Jungler and can also be used as an Off-tank if you add some armor because then the damage that he takes is little enough that he can heal it just by fighting back! It's kinda hard to figure out how to jungle well, but Warwick is really good at it and I really like him!
Next is Janna, who is a floating fairy looking lady. Janna is incredibly difficult to play and I'm still really bad at her, but I've seen her played well and she is really effective! Her passive makes everyone on her team just a tiny bit faster. Her fist ability is to make a tornado that can be charged up and then flung at enemies, throwing them up in the air and damaging them. It's a skill shot, so it won't always hit, but it can hit an entire team if aimed right.her second ability passively makes her move faster, and can be activated to slow down an enemy for a few seconds and deal a little damage. Her third ability is a magic shield that she can place on an ally that protect them from some damage and gives them bonus attack. Her ultimate creates a big windstorm that throws any enemies out of it, but heals any allies in it. So all of her abilities can help out her allies in some way, but you just have to figure out when the best time to use them is, and that is very hard to do! But hardly anyone plays Support, so I am going to figure out how to use her well!
Next up we have Soraka, who kind of looks like a unicorn that walks on it's hind legs. She is the simplest type of Support because she just heals pretty much. Her passive makes all nearby allies more resistant to magic damage. Her first ability drops a magic bolt on every enemy near her dealing a small amount of damage and reducing their magic resistance. Her second ability simply heals an ally close to her and gives him or her extra armor. Her third ability either makes an enemy unable to use abilities for a second, or gives an ally extra mana. And her ultimate heals everyone on her team no matter where they are. Really handy in a team fight! So ya, she's really simple and pretty fun to play! Although it's really annoying when the teammate she's with runs off and then yells at her for not healing them when they did something stupid.
And lastly, my very favorite Singed! He's a super skinny guy who has a giant bottle of poison strapped to his back. Singed's passive gives him extra health depending on how much his max mana is, so it makes him a bunch more Tanky. His first ability leaves a trail of poison behind him which damages anyone who steps into it for a few seconds. This makes Singed the perfect RUN AWAY!!! Champion because even if the enemy eventually can catch him, he'll be hurting them the entire time they're chasing after him! His second ability throws a puddle of glue that makes any enemy that steps in it super slow. His third ability is just priceless! It doesn't do very much damage, but it flings the enemy over his shoulder, allowing him to grab one enemy from the enemy team and throw him right in the middle of your team where he will die almost instantly. It's also great for grabbing an enemy that's trying to kill a wounded teammate and throwing them out of range. All it all it's a really funny and fun ability. And his ultimate is also super great! It's called Insanity Potion and it makes Singed faster, do more damage, have more health, have more mana, and basically become a super beast. It's fun to use this ability and watch the enemy cower in fear! Mwahaha!!! I love Singed because he just doesn't die easily and even if he does, he almost always can take an enemy with him! And it's really funny to grab the over confident guy and fling him back to be demolished by you and the rest of your team!
Anyways, it is now bedtime, so I am going to bed! If you actually read all that I am very impressed and maybe you should try it! It's free, and my favorite thing is that each game everyone starts at level one and has to work their way up. So you can potentially beat someone who's been playing for a long time on your very first try! Probably not, but maybe. Anyways, good night!

Quick thought

Just a quick thought before bed. I've been watching a lot of Lie to Me, a tv show about a scientist that studies body language to detect lies. It's really good. You should check it out. But there's this little reoccurring theme about how people never really change. And I was thinking about that and I think that, for the most part, I agree. But then I read David Rae's blog post, and he was talking about miracles. I think that God changing people may just be one of those miracles that everyone always asks of God. Maybe the miracles that Jesus said would surpass his own are the very ones that we Christians are especially gifted to see. At least more often than other people. Maybe God's greatest miracle is enabling us to change who we are. From broken, selfish people into little Christs. That is one crazy big miracle!

Ten Myths about Introverts. Meaning, me!

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

a test and a tribute

This is simply a test that I wish to preform by posting this using my new and fantastic phone. I must say that while it is awesome, I think that a lot of it's awesomeness is simply lost on me. I mean, I wwent from a fifty dollar pay and talk to nothing, and now all of a sudden I have the most high tech phone on the market! Wacky and yet still awesome. Well, that's all for now!

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Hmm...

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, uncles and aunts, grandmas and grandpas, hearts and kidneys, apples and oranges, tuna fish and sandwiches, tomatoes and sauerkraut, peanut butter and jelly, klenex and snot, guitars and drums, lamps and lampshades, windows and blinds, digital and analog, cars and trucks, jeeps and figments of your imaginations, midnights and noons, arrows and circles, insults and apologies, love and hate, war and pestilence, pictures and cameras, televisions and movies, boats and rudders, microphones and amplifiers, numbers and letters, cloaks and capes, socks and shoes, ankles and knees, t-shirts and sweaters, karate and tai quon do, paints and paintbrushes, ducks and geese, toads and frogs, armadillos and antelopes, crocodiles and the one and only dundy, snips and snaps, sugar and spice, sunglasses and eyeglasses, pirates and ninjas, spartans and persians, I would like to thank you all for coming.

Wow, it's May

Well... It's May now... I don't really have any idea what to write, I just figured that I should probably write on this at least once a month just so I don't totally forget about it. It kinda sucks though, I always have things that I think of putting on here, but I'm always out and about when I think of them and then I'm too lazy when I come back. Well I'm pretty sure that now I've narrowed it down to an audience of one. Me. But it's kinda funny cuz I still don't want to put anything too personal in here. Heck. I've never put anything personal anywhere but in my mind. Much less to another person or where they could get it. That's one thing about me that maybe you didn't know. I don't trust anyone. I don't know why for sure. I keep saying it's cuz I've been backstabbed too many times, but I think I'm just cynical. I mean really I've never been through as much as quite a few people I know. It's not like I've ever been so scarred that I couldn't handle it. Maybe that's it. I just can't handle the thought of not being in control. I can't let myself be weak. I can't let anyone find out how they can get at me. Hmmm... Because I think they will. Heh. They'll either attack me for it, or realize that maybe they can't depend on me. I was talking with Luke yesterday after Amy's party, and we were talking a little bit about how important it is to have someone that you can tell anything to. I've never had that. I almost had that with Jon, and then with Carsyn, and then with Shannon. But then they all had to leave. Maybe I didn't trust fast enough or something. Maybe I'm just a big coward. But I've been betrayed by people that I never dreampt of betraying me before. Kayla, Natalka, David... Sigh... Maybe I'm just screwed. That's probably it. Yay.

Oh glorious night!

That was fun! I am finally happy for the very first time this semester! I've always had something or other bugging me and just keeping me from actually enjoying anything. But tonight Joel, Aaron and I had a really good talk. We talked about everything! We talked about singing, performing, penises, porn, roommates, guys, relationships, Jen, dirtiness, sibling stories, naked stories, school, quitting school, excuses, classmates, gays and lesbians, how guys and girls think, God, and we ended with a discussion on the validity of the Bible. It was amazing! And it was so great getting to know Joel a bit more. We've both been shut up in our rooms a lot, and we never really got to know each other. It really made me happy to get to have an open talk without worrying about what anyone'll think or take offence. It really made me happy and once again reminded me of why I'm here. I'm really glad that I get to have these great guys in my class. Love you guys!

My back hurts

My back hurts so I'm going to write about it. It started hurting randomly on the way to Co-op this afternoon. I was like ok, whatever no big deal. It mostly left until we went to this 70s party this evening. We were going to have a dance competition and the grand prize was a printer. I really needed a printer at that point so I was like "Wow what an amazing stroke of luck". Cuz I can really get dancing if I feel like it and boy was I feeling it. So anyways the competition started and there was only about six of us that were actually going for the printer so I was like sweet! This'll be really easy. Although I was up against David so I knew that he would get points just for being David but I knew that I could win it if I really did my best. And then BAM. My back basicly exploded. It was so stupid cuz I didn't even do anything. I was just tapping my feet and then I started dying. And then it was my tun to go up so, like the idiot I am, I went up and did one of my favorite dance moves, the arm and leg switch. Not only could I not actually do it because my back was dying, I all of a sudden couldn't breath. That was when I found out that we actually weren't done. But by then I got the hint so I ended up just sitting out. So I've spent the rest of the evening dying and pretending I'm not because I don't really want anyone to worry. Basicly I'm an idiot. This is so stupid, I actually haven't been in this much pain since I broke my leg. I actually have to stop myself from screaming. Although I probably couldn't scream cuz I can't breath. I hate my life. And now I have to finish writing a script and stuff. Great.

The intricacies of headaches.

I have a headache. It's one of those really annoying ones that doesn't hurt too much but is just sooooooo annoying. It's like someone is slowly squeezing the sides of my head but I can't feel anything past about an inch down. But it's not nearly as bad as a a migraine or one of those headaches where there's a balloon slowly expanding and crushing your brain and skull. I actually had one of those just last Sunday. Rather unfortunate that. Let's see what other kinds of headaches are there? The eyeball pusher, the screeching headache, the vice grip headache, and of course there's the just-annoying-enough-that-you-can't-think headache. That's all for now. This giving me a headache...

The very first thing that popped into my head when I started my blog

Hmmmm... Long title. So, I now have a little piece of the net to call my own and write/type whatever I happen to feel like. I actually got the idea from my friend Sgt. Smith from camp. He had this character called the drunken prophet and he always spouted off nonsense about armageddon and peaches. I thought that that was a cool idea and so I finally started a blog. I'm not sure if this will actually turn out to be anything cool or even interesting for that matter, but I'll give it a try and see what happens. That's all for now!