PAY ATTENTION!!!

Pay attention everyone, this may be the most important post I shall ever make on this humble blog. Ready? Okay.
I am going to be a Jesus Freak.
Crazy I know. But here's the thing, I am so incredibly sick of hearing and seeing half-assed Christianity. There is so much of it and just a blatant disregard for everything truly important in life and I frankly hate it with everything I have. It disgusts me. And I want to be different. I want it so badly that I will be different. Because what I truly believe we need is Christians to show up and show God. I am so blessed with having an amazing, supportive, and strong Christian family, and it makes me incredibly sad to see people who don't have that, and incredibly furious to see people throw that away. I was just reading Jesus Freaks by DC Talk and it is hundreds of stories of Christians around the globe and through the centuries who have been killed for the sake of Christ. And the thing that struck me the most, more than the fact that they could still forgive their killers, more than them still telling others the good news on the blazing stake, is that people listened. That having such an earth shattering faith is something that simply cannot be ignored. And so here in Canada and, as far as I know, the US, is where we have been trained to settle for less. It's brilliant really, make the most full of potential nations the most apathetic for true Christianity. Those last two sentences don't really flow.
What I'm trying to say is that I have to do this. I have to be a Jesus Freak, if for the only reason that no one else is. I will do and say things at UofL that I hope will challenge people. And I frankly feel so strongly about this that I don't even care if it costs me my dream. I don't care if I can't be a teacher. This is just too important. And I have to make people see that. At University I have been forced to look directly into the face of people who wish that I, as a Christian, had never been born. I have been told to my face that what I believe is stupid and makes no sense. And to my shame I didn't have an answer. But there is an answer. And that is that Christianity is the Truth. And that once again a few will have to stand up for the Truth against all odds and all others.
It truly is a battle that I cannot hope to win, and when I think about the people that won't listen, not just to me, but at all, it makes me want to scream. But I think this is a war that people don't even know the sides on, and I intend to struggle with all my might to make people realize that the Truth is more than just a matter of opinion, more than just a worldview, and more than just something to keep yourself amused by. There truly is Nothing more important. So I will become a Freak. For Jesus.

Lovely day for a vlog!

This is an attempt by me to vlog. Yes, you read that right, vlog! Anyways, I think I'm funny and I hope you do too!

A thought

Does anyone know what chloroform smells like?

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A thought

Life is too short to argue? No. I think that life is too short not to figure out the important stuff. Really it's too short not to argue.

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The terrifying truth

Greetings everyone, I would like to ask you a simple little question. And it is, why do people not believe the truth? Is it simply that they can't see the blatantly obvious facts? Or is it that they actually refuse to believe it despite the obvious? I was just thinking and imagining and reading about some students at a university where they are getting trash talked because they are Christian and believe in creation instead of evolution. Which is frustrating for me because as you may know, I've been studying this topic for a very long time. And I've come across so many roadblocks for evolution, with not even a hint of an answer from evolution, but a very rational answer from creationism. I was just reading this one evolutionary scientist who admits that the only reason he believes in evolution is because "creationism is just too incredible". So he turns from something that he can't quite comprehend to something that simply does not work.

So this got me thinking about truth and how this man appears to not believe in the truth, but to believe in a lie that he knows is a lie. Why would someone knowingly do this? I think it's because lies are so comfortable, so easy. A lie is apart from reality and therefore has no useful bearing on the world and therefore is safe. If I believe in something that doesn't apply to the real world, then I don't have to deal with the real world. Or at least that's what I'd like to believe. But the truth is different. It is not safe from blame and responsibility. The truth is unflinchingly and unabashedly real. To believe in the truth means that you have to face up to the real world and frankly, the real world isn't all that nice. It's scary. It doesn't let you off the hook. Because in the truth there is no margin for error, there is no place that you can step out of line, for then it isn't the truth, but a lie. A lie can be changed on a whim, without consequence or care, but the truth is unwavering, unchanging.

But here's the thing, while a lie sounds like such a great thing, a safe place where everything is as you want it to be, it isn't real. Only the truth is real. So really, it just means that we're fooling ourselves. We're not gaining anything by lying to ourselves. It's only when we finally turn and embrace the truth, hard and dangerous as it is, that we can really have anything real. A lie is a mere mist, here today, gone tomorrow, to be quickly replaced by another. The truth is something that you can count on. It doesn't change, and if we can learn to accept it and maybe even embrace it, then maybe we can have something to base ourselves on. To anchor to. Maybe part of the reason that the world is such a mess is because we don't have anything solid. There is so much mist that it's hard to actually see the truth sometimes. I guess that's where we come in. The Christians. Because we know the truth, and we have to use it to set the captives free.

Time keeps moving

Hey everyone, I'm finally back for a post! It's certainly been a while and that's kind of what I wanted to talk about. You see, sometimes I forget that time goes on. That things change and things can get better. I don't mean that I actually was thinking "man time just doesn't go like it used to", just that I forgot. I had my last day at BPs yesterday (again...) and I was actually really surprised about it. I remember thinking that it would take forever to actually get to the end of this part of my journey, and then all of a sudden it's here. It was really an encouragement for me, I mean, I hated working at BPs, and I was wanting to go to school and be excited, but it just seemed to me like it would never come. But now I re-realize that even if I'm in a spot I really don't want to be, things will eventually change, which may suck a bit, but really it's a good thing. I used to love working at BPs, but by the end I just wanted more than anything to get out. I loved being at college, but by the end I just wanted to get on with the rest of my life. I guess the only thing that I really do wish wouldn't change is some of the relationships I've forged over the years. I'm probably not going to see Meaghan again, Carsyn and I don't really talk anymore, Lizzy and I get along well, but it's just hard to get to see each other, but I can now think of all the new relationships that I'm going to be making at school. All the new classmates and teachers and actually a lot of people that I know from church and school. You know, I think that must be one of the most important things about marriage. That you have that one relationship that remains constant. I don't mean the dynamics won't change, but it's a relationship that you'll always get to have and look forward to. So I guess I'll just tell time to bring it on! I'm ready for it!

a thought.

When people bump into a power greater than theirs, sometimes their only defence is to ignore it. Maybe that's what happens with God.

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Moral Rightness

Hey, I was just thinking that something that's been really important to me lately has been apologetics. However, I haven't really said much about it here on my blog, so I'm gonna add a tag for it! Here's just a little blurb from a book I've been reading.

When a plane crashes and some people die, a skeptic always jumps in to question God's moral character. How could he chose some to die and some to live on a whim? And yet the new craze is that a woman has the moral right to choose if her baby lives or dies in her womb. So, if God decides someone dies, He is immoral, but if a woman decides to kill the baby inside of her, it's her moral right? Does that sound about right?

perfection

I just had an odd realization. Odd because it's kinda something that everyone knows, but I've never really thought about it much. And what it is, is that nothing is perfect. You know the phrase "no one is perfect", but just think for a second. With the one notable exception of God, everything is flawed. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, the perfect photo, a perfect blade of grass. No matter how amazing the one you love is, they'll still let you down sometimes, no mater how awesome your business plan is, it still might not take off, and no matter how long you look past your own faults, you can still always find another one. Maybe that's kind of it, that we can't have anything really and truly perfect without God. That really everything in creation is screaming out for him, because nothing really measures up. I had to face myself today. I was looking at a photo of Grace. We were going to the Titanic Exhibit at the Science Center, and she took the photo and put it into a frame along with this really cool heart thing and a sweet note. Anyways, I had just watched an episode of Scrubs in which JD realizes that he doesn't love Elliot (or however you spell that), and that he was looking at the things she did, and he liked them, but he didn't love them, and eventually he realized he didn't love her either. So I looked at Grace, and I thought about how she gets so excited about summer, about how much she cares about the people around her, how good she is with names, how she loves to cuddle, how creative she is, and how much she trusts me to know what the heck I'm talking about sometimes. And I realized that I do love those things about her. I really do, and I'm pretty sure I will continue to love them, and occasionally make fun of them. And then I looked at her picture and I thought to myself, "Do I love her? Can I imagine spending my life with her?" And you know what? I didn't know. I know how desperately I wanted to just scream out yes, but I don't want to let myself get away from this. It's scary. Because I know that there's so many things that could go wrong, that we might end up just being defeated by distance, that we're not the ones for each other, that I might say something stupid. But maybe that's where God comes in, when we're scared. Maybe it's because of him that on our wedding day we can look into each other's eyes and say that we'll love each other through thick and thin. Because nothing is perfect, but God is big enough that he can hold it together even despite that, maybe it's even because of that. So Grace, do I love you? Yes. I do. Sometimes I honestly don't know, but I want to, and maybe that's enough for now. I don't know. I'm not perfect. But with God's help I hope my love for you can be.

Ten Myths about Introverts. Meaning, me!

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Quote of the day

“If you're placed in a situation where you suspect your convictions will be labeled intolerant, bigoted, narrow-minded, and judgmental, turn the tables. When someone asks for your personal views about a moral issue-homosexuality, for example-preface your remarks with a question. You say: “You know, this is actually a very personal question you're asking, and I’d be glad to answer. But before I do, I want to know if you consider yourself a tolerant person or an intolerant person. Is it safe to give my opinion, or are you going to judge me for my point of view? Do you respect diverse ideas, or do you condemn others for convictions that differ from yours?" Let them answer. If they say they're tolerant (which they probably will), then when you give your
point of view it’s going to be very difficult for them to call you intolerant or judgmental without looking guilty, too. This response capitalizes on the fact that there's no morally neutral ground. Everybody has a point of view they think is right and everybody judges at some point or another. The Christian gets pigeon-holed as the judgmental one, but everyone else is judging, too. It’s an inescapable consequence of believing in any kind of morality.” –Greg Koukl

My cousin Carlie just died. 5:30 pm Monday May 23rd. I have so many thoughts and words running through my head, and I have no idea how to make sense of them. But there's three verses that I found that I wanted to share. The first, Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Let me tell you that if I know one thing about Carlie, it's that she loves God. Second, Phillippians 1:21 "for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." It seems to me that Carlie is the one who is gaining. She gets to hang out with God for the rest of eternity, because third, Luke 20:38 "He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive." Carlie may be dead in the body, but boy is she alive!

A giant sand minigolf course with those big dodge balls that you throw instead of hit. Think about it!

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Quote of the day

"So many people tiptoe through life, so carefully, to arrive, safely, at death." - Jermaine Evans

rambling ryan

I'm always afraid that something witty and brilliant that I say has already been thought of in some movie.

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rambling ryan

Why is it that when you go to a drive thru and you get onions it's no big deal, but you get them at a restaurant and all of a sudden it's the biggest inconvenience of your life!

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Things that matter

As I said in my last post, I am going to be looking for things, whether it be books or movies or songs or whatever, that matter to me and affect me. So to start off the list I shall add:
A Bright Particular Star by Ron Reed (play)
Just A Man by Classic Crime (song)
To Save a Life (movie)

A little more on the subject of acting

Alrighty, I just went and saw A Bright Particular Star in Rosebud with Grace. Basically it's about a girl who ends up giving up pretty much everything just so that she can act in a play. It's set when theatre was still viewed as an anti-church thing, and she's a Christian girl, so her family, her friends, even her fiance, all fight her to stay away from the theatre. And I'm happy and annoyed to say that it did something to me. Something that I really don't get... What she wanted to do was Shakespeare, and even though she and her family had all done some charity theatre and the Pilgrim's Progress, she wanted to do something that wasn't "preaching". I think that might have been it. That the theatre doesn't have to be all about God and all with a Christian message or whatever. That theatre isn't just theatre for the teaching value and all those things that I said in my monologue (which is in here somewhere if you'd like to read it). Maybe, just maybe, theatre might just sometimes be about being beautiful. Maybe it can be just about having a good laugh, and really that being enough. God loves humor, he loves beauty, so why can't we just revel in that? I'm not saying that everything is good, but I am saying that whatever you or I choose to do or create, can be just as praising to God as singing a hymn. Maybe this is the part that I've been kind of missing in theatre. I don't really know, but I will certainly look into it more! So, for one thing, I'm going to start looking for plays, movies, songs, or anything, that really matter to me. That really touch me. And maybe from that, I can find some sort of peace that I'm missing.

A new and annoying discovery

Okay, first I just want to say that the reason I haven't written anything is cuz I couldn't log into blogger. So I had to e-mail google, and reset my password and a whole bunch of annoying stuff, but I finally got it back! So anyways...
Yesterday Luke, Brianna, and I were talking. Which is something that we usually are not all together to do. So it was really nice and good and fun. I don't remember everything we were talking about, Oh Right! Luke was writing letters to a whole bunch of people and he had written ones for Brianna and I. They were letters of encouragement, so he read them to us, and it was great. I don't remember what it is that he said, except that he knows that I'll be an awesome teacher. Which I already knew, but yay. Them Brianna started talking about how a lot of people have been telling her that they see Jesus in her. She told us a bunch of stories and it was really cool, and she talked about Matt something or other, who is the singer in the band For Today. He also has a sermon/solo series that Brianna had been listening to for a while, and she was talking about one that he talks about how he was talking to Jesus and he asked "did it hurt?" and Jesus replied, "it was worth it". I don't know why, but that made a profound impact on me and made me get all choked up and all those things that I hate and avoid. But I thought more about it, and almost every time someone says anything about worth, about how we are worth so much to God or something like that, I get a pit at the bottom of my throat. And I just can't figure out why! I mean, I already know every human is worth a lot. I know that I am worth a lot, so why is it that this affects me so much? As much as I'd like to, I don't see myself as this terrible person, and I really do know that I am worthwhile, but I just... I dunno. I guess I just wonder. I guess maybe there is some part of me that wonders if I actually am worth it. If I am worth anything. That's something that I struggled with before, and maybe I just never really got rid of it. I think I really need to find someone to talk to about this stuff. I really have a lot more that I need to figure out about myself! I know that I'll talk to Grace, but I don't know if she's ready for this stuff yet. She's still got lots of herself to figure out. We shall see...
Oh! And before I forget, Luke was talking about death letters, which are letters of what you wished you could have said to people if you died. Katie wrote some and then realized that she should actually give them to people. Maybe I need to write a few...

Quote of the day

Lighter lighter lighter lighter lighter STAND!!!

Dream Sequence

Hee hee. This seems to be turning into a dream journal! But that's okay for now! Anyways, there's three dreams that I had, but I can only remember one part in each of them, so I shall relay them. The first was a dexter like one, me being dexter, and I'm following this one guy who I know is killing people. I get distracted by something for a day, but when I find him I see that he hasn't killed anyone, so I'm like phew! Then he comes at me with a knife, but there this really big guy walking near us and he yells and then charges the killer. Then he just powerhouses him over, sending the killer flying down the road for about ten feet and then skidding down even farther! It was really funny cuz one second the killer is running at me, then the next he is literally flying away from me! Anyways, the second dream I just remember the first part. This guy is looking at his computer when he notices that everything he sees in the screen matches the real world. As in, he can see all the doors and walls and chairs and stuff through his screen, but everything is a little bit distorted. And through his screen he notices this kangaroo. The kangaroo then comes in and does this weird sucking thing, and sucks the guy's watch right off! Then the watch starts moving on it's own and it magically pulls every other thing on the guy (except his clothes) and then starts to disassemble them! So he's struggling with the watch and trying to keep everything together and in his pockets, but he just doesn't have enough hands! So he struggles and struggles, until all of a sudden, he loses and everything is set neatly on the table, in a million little pieces. He stares for a few seconds and then goes, "YOU STUPID WATCH!!!" Which for some reason I find completely hilarious, and laugh like crazy for a bit. The last dream I start on a set which is a house with no lights. The director calls action and I start walking through it, not quite sure what I'm doing, just knowing that I'm investigating something. I hear a noise upstairs so I creep upstairs to find Luke and Kurtis packing deadly looking lime green and sky blue silenced pistols as well as some grenades. So they toss the grenades at me, and I immediately race back downstairs. They give chase, and the whole time they're chattering on about whatever weapon they are currently using against me. They chase me for a bit until we get into the basement and I almost slam the door on Luke, but he manages to get through and tackle me to the ground. He points his gun at me and says, "any last words?" I nod upwards and say, "I noticed that there's a hidden dart hole at each of the doorways. Wonder what they do!" And then I thump my elbow against the floor and a dart shoots out of the hole and hits Luke. That's all I can remember, but I'm pretty sure I enjoyed the rest of that one!

Quote of the day

My hips are on drugs. Can't you tell? *hip swirl*

a test and a tribute

This is simply a test that I wish to preform by posting this using my new and fantastic phone. I must say that while it is awesome, I think that a lot of it's awesomeness is simply lost on me. I mean, I wwent from a fifty dollar pay and talk to nothing, and now all of a sudden I have the most high tech phone on the market! Wacky and yet still awesome. Well, that's all for now!

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Dream Sequence

I hate that it takes so long to get here cuz I keep forgetting most of the dream! But here we go.
I'm at camp with Megan, Ashley, Aaron, and Lizzy. We're all in this big carpeted room thingy with bunks and bookcases on the far wall. I remember looking at all the books that were there and there being two batman ones, and also this 4 by 2 foot, 8 inch thick one called Planet Defenders. I opened it, and the whole thing was written in wool crochet. I remember the first page of the book having a test area, but I didn't really know what that meant.Ashley was trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life, and I can't remember what the first thing was (adopting a kid or something), but the second thing was singing, so she sang this song and the last part of the chorus went a-Bout it! a-Bout it! Then Dave and Cindy were there and Dave said that she had some potential, but that she needed to round out the last part and make it aaa-bout it. It was at this point that I realized that almost the entire room had been cleared, so there was a huge open area. Megan and I started to get really giddy, so she started running around in circles and dancing, while I tore around the room in a big circle. Then all of a sudden I thought that it would be super fun to slide across the floor, so I dropped to my stomach and slid. I slid way better than I anticipated, so I managed to steer myself all the way around the entire room, which I then told that I did to some random kid that came in the doors. The next thing I knew, I had decided to have a shower to get ready for something. I have no idea what. But anyways, I went up this hill to what was "Luke's shower" I guess it was the downstairs one from real life in my mind. But anyways, it was just this room with a shower curtain around it dug out from the hill. And you walked into this box, and then the shower, which was actually just a tub, was in front of me with walls about waist high. And it was really odd cuz the floor was literally covered in towels, and there were even two that were inside the tub. Nonetheless I turned on the water (I don't remember actually doing anything to turn it on, I just knew it was turned on) and got undressed. Then I noticed that the tub was starting to fill up (which now that I think about it really isn't that odd, but in the dream I was really confused) and it was filling up in waves. One wave and it was a quarter of the wall height, two waves and it was halfway, and three and it was just licking at the top of the wall.(oh, and the two towels that were in the tub had disappeared in the gross water) I got freaked out and shut off the water, again I don't remember actually doing anything, and wondering what the heck was going on. It was at this point that the entire shower curtain wall went flying up and almost ripped of the bar it was on. I struggled to get it back around, but the wind was just too powerful. After struggling for a bit Brianna walks up and tells me that the kids probably can't come with this wind. I then simultaneously ask her if she could help me with this project I've been working on, and realize I'm naked. She doesn't seem to care though, so she says she'll meet me somewhere and walks off. And that is all I can remember! Cool huh?

Dream Sequence

All right, a little backstory for everyone. Firstly, I work at Boston Pizza. Secondly, I have been watching this show called dexter. Thirdly, I got the flu yesterday. Now these three things have combined into a very interesting and kind of terrible dream. Yesterday I got off work early and then had a five hour nap. Thankfully without interruptions, but then I had to go back to sleep for that night, and that didn't go over so well. I ended up staring at the insides of my eyelids till about two, before finally falling into a quasi-sleep until about four thirtyish. During that time I had one of the oddest, not exactly a dream, because I was conscious for it, but I guess hallucinations or something. Anyways, what happened was that I would lie on my bed and then there would be this sort of grid on my bed and I would put things into the different spots and try to make everything work. So in one spot I would put Rita (Dexter's girlfriend), in another I'd put a troublesome cop, in another I'd put one of my tables, and then other random stuff, mostly from Dexter and work, would get shoved into the other spots. Although it was kind of cool that whenever I ran out of spaces I could just think really hard and another couple spots would pop out of nowhere. I remember a few times just being so tired and sick of all these things that I had to deal with, so I would just grab everything and throw them off my bed and then say "God, just help me get to sleep!", then after a bit, everything would start popping back up again. Another thing I remember is a few times I just got table after table, and I kept asking Laurie to take them, but she kept on saying she was too busy, and then I kept on remembering that I wasn't even working today, or that it was three in the morning, so BPs was closed, but she never helped me out... Which sucked. And basically then end of the dream is that I finally got to actually sleep at about four thirty. So ya. Odd dream/hallucination. Good times.

Quote of the day

"Hey look! It's so stormy outside it could literally drop an elephant! Let's all go out to eat!"

Quote of the day

When work is overwhelming, remember that you're going to die.