perfection

I just had an odd realization. Odd because it's kinda something that everyone knows, but I've never really thought about it much. And what it is, is that nothing is perfect. You know the phrase "no one is perfect", but just think for a second. With the one notable exception of God, everything is flawed. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, the perfect photo, a perfect blade of grass. No matter how amazing the one you love is, they'll still let you down sometimes, no mater how awesome your business plan is, it still might not take off, and no matter how long you look past your own faults, you can still always find another one. Maybe that's kind of it, that we can't have anything really and truly perfect without God. That really everything in creation is screaming out for him, because nothing really measures up. I had to face myself today. I was looking at a photo of Grace. We were going to the Titanic Exhibit at the Science Center, and she took the photo and put it into a frame along with this really cool heart thing and a sweet note. Anyways, I had just watched an episode of Scrubs in which JD realizes that he doesn't love Elliot (or however you spell that), and that he was looking at the things she did, and he liked them, but he didn't love them, and eventually he realized he didn't love her either. So I looked at Grace, and I thought about how she gets so excited about summer, about how much she cares about the people around her, how good she is with names, how she loves to cuddle, how creative she is, and how much she trusts me to know what the heck I'm talking about sometimes. And I realized that I do love those things about her. I really do, and I'm pretty sure I will continue to love them, and occasionally make fun of them. And then I looked at her picture and I thought to myself, "Do I love her? Can I imagine spending my life with her?" And you know what? I didn't know. I know how desperately I wanted to just scream out yes, but I don't want to let myself get away from this. It's scary. Because I know that there's so many things that could go wrong, that we might end up just being defeated by distance, that we're not the ones for each other, that I might say something stupid. But maybe that's where God comes in, when we're scared. Maybe it's because of him that on our wedding day we can look into each other's eyes and say that we'll love each other through thick and thin. Because nothing is perfect, but God is big enough that he can hold it together even despite that, maybe it's even because of that. So Grace, do I love you? Yes. I do. Sometimes I honestly don't know, but I want to, and maybe that's enough for now. I don't know. I'm not perfect. But with God's help I hope my love for you can be.