A new and annoying discovery

Okay, first I just want to say that the reason I haven't written anything is cuz I couldn't log into blogger. So I had to e-mail google, and reset my password and a whole bunch of annoying stuff, but I finally got it back! So anyways...
Yesterday Luke, Brianna, and I were talking. Which is something that we usually are not all together to do. So it was really nice and good and fun. I don't remember everything we were talking about, Oh Right! Luke was writing letters to a whole bunch of people and he had written ones for Brianna and I. They were letters of encouragement, so he read them to us, and it was great. I don't remember what it is that he said, except that he knows that I'll be an awesome teacher. Which I already knew, but yay. Them Brianna started talking about how a lot of people have been telling her that they see Jesus in her. She told us a bunch of stories and it was really cool, and she talked about Matt something or other, who is the singer in the band For Today. He also has a sermon/solo series that Brianna had been listening to for a while, and she was talking about one that he talks about how he was talking to Jesus and he asked "did it hurt?" and Jesus replied, "it was worth it". I don't know why, but that made a profound impact on me and made me get all choked up and all those things that I hate and avoid. But I thought more about it, and almost every time someone says anything about worth, about how we are worth so much to God or something like that, I get a pit at the bottom of my throat. And I just can't figure out why! I mean, I already know every human is worth a lot. I know that I am worth a lot, so why is it that this affects me so much? As much as I'd like to, I don't see myself as this terrible person, and I really do know that I am worthwhile, but I just... I dunno. I guess I just wonder. I guess maybe there is some part of me that wonders if I actually am worth it. If I am worth anything. That's something that I struggled with before, and maybe I just never really got rid of it. I think I really need to find someone to talk to about this stuff. I really have a lot more that I need to figure out about myself! I know that I'll talk to Grace, but I don't know if she's ready for this stuff yet. She's still got lots of herself to figure out. We shall see...
Oh! And before I forget, Luke was talking about death letters, which are letters of what you wished you could have said to people if you died. Katie wrote some and then realized that she should actually give them to people. Maybe I need to write a few...