The Vow

As you may have gathered from the title, I just watched the movie The Vow. Let me just say that the amount of thinking this has caused me to do is exactly what makes me love and adore theatre more than anything! The basic plot of the movie is that a man and his wife get into a car accident and the girl (who's name I completely forget unsurprisingly) loses her memory of all of the time she has ever known her husband. So the movie is mostly him trying to get her to fall in love with him again. I really loved that it wasn't just all him being sappy and lovey dovey and it just all being okay. She doesn't remember him and he knows everything about her. And he can't just tell her because she's scared and doesn't know what her life is. He can't freak her out more and she can't love the guy that she's supposed to love. But he kept it up. He did absolutely everything he could think of and more to remind her why she loved him. He gave up everything that he had to try and win her back. He had to give up living with her, kissing her, saying he loves her. I can't even imagine what that would be like and I just saw it! There's a bit of a plot twist at the end, which I won't give away, but basically he knows something that she doesn't, and she finds out and asks him why he didn't tell her. And the reason is because he wanted her to be happy even more than he wanted her to love him back. He did give everything he had for her. And the most powerful part of the movie for me was when he recognized that he wasn't what she needed right then, and let her go. He loved her so much that he gave up her love for him just so she could be happy.
And now the thinking part! Watching pretty much any piece of theatre is cause for the question, "What would I do in that situation?" And the frustrating discovery that I would have given up long before him. That I want to be loved so bad that I would maybe destroy something else. The terrible discovery that I don't love as fiercely as this character. That I still don't really know what love is. That I still don't know how to love. And the realization that I am still so selfish. I've always known it, but I just keep ending up back at it. I'm so focused on myself all the time. Even when I Do something unselfish I still Think that I would have liked the other option. I very often just do the right thing because it's the right thing, not because I want to. Not even because I want to be good or do the right thing. I just do it. Why does that make sense and not make any sense? I guess what I've learned from this movie is that I have a lot to learn about love. And it is a reinforcement that love really does exist. I've seen it, and some day I'll figure out how to truly love. Here's to that day! Good night.

JSYK

Heyo! This is pretty much just to clear up last post. Last post, at least the part about God, was just me being frustrated and venting, not really my thoughts, but more my feelings at that moment. I know God does care, it's just frustrating when I have no idea what He's doing and I can't see it. And trying to get close to God has been precisely what I've been doing for the past few weeks, not to mention the last twenty years of my life, and again, it was more my frustration talking. I've really been trying, but it just doesn't seem to be working. And I have been trying to fix things on my own, and the reason is that I've been asking and asking for help since the fist time I couldn't make rent, and I have consistently had to ask dad for rent since then, and I'm probably going to have to again this month. So it's kind of the case that if I don't do something, dad will have to pay, and I really really don't want to be in that position or to put him in that position. Besides, I don't think that we're just supposed to lie back and wait for God to shower us with gifts. So, yeah, I have asked and been asking, but nothing has happened, and again I'm just left with the frustration. So I really do appreciate that you may be worried and frustrated with me, but I have already done and have been doing what you suggested, with no avail. So, (that's the third so in a row!) I guess I'll just see what happens from here. I did get that job at Save On Foods, and I am really grateful for it! It just doesn't start until the 24th, so the first paycheck will be way too late to make any difference for this month and rent and such. Sigh...

Yay Internet!

It's good to be back! I finally got all the internet and cable junk figured out! Which was a huge pain and, I say again, a Huge pain! First they screwed up the order, then the date for the appointment of the guy coming to set it up, then the order again, then when the guy came and set it up it didn't work and I had to spend another hour on the phone, but it's all working now! I celebrated by watching the Minecraft show and Zero Punctuation. It was awesome! But I still don't have a job... David got me to update his website with a bunch of new pages and junk, so I'll get a little income that way, but I still don't know what's gonna happen for the rest. I'd say I'll let God worry about it, but He doesn't seem to care much at the moment. Whatever. But one thing I'm super excited about is that I can access the internet reliably, so I can actually text Grace whenever I'm home! And maybe use Fring... It'll be good I think. I don't know if there's really much else to say right now. I have some other things that I'd like to write about, but I'm gonna save them for later. Apparently I'm gonna have some free time for a while. Blech...