that hidden fear

You know what I find scary? You know what is the thing that can just make me want to lock myself in my room and never come out? Well, I know I'm afraid of sharks and large bodies of water and ladders, but those are just little annoying avoidable fears. What really scares me is hidden inside. It hardly ever rears it's head so I sometimes forget about it. But it's always there. Anger. I'm afraid of my anger. You know why? Because it's so strong that I don't know what would happen if I didn't keep it in check. It gives me so much power. When I'm angry I can punch through a wall, scream, destroy things. It really scares me. Because you know what? Every time I get really angry I have to keep myself from lashing out. From just crashing my fists into anything near me. Because if I did that, what could stop me? I could wreck things that I might not be able to repair. I'm thinking of what I could do and say if I let myself lose myself in my anger. It would be intoxicating because it drives away fear, but I fear what would be left in the wake. So I'll hold it inside me. Because I don't know what will happen, what I'll say, who I'll hurt. And I don't want to know. That is my fear.