Dear Carsyn,
I decided that I should probably write you this letter to just clear my mind and kind of figure out how to deal with what's going on. I also have decided that I'm not going to send this to you because I don't want you to have to worry or deal with it or whatever. So here I go I guess. Carsyn, I love you. As weird as it is I still do. Which made it so hard to hear that you are getting married. It was really weird and surreal when you got up the courage to actually call me and tell me. What really makes me wonder is that you said you had to "get up your courage" which means that you were afraid which means that you knew that I still loved you. And yet you kept me in the dark. That's what hurts the most. Not that you've found someone better than me, but that you didn't tell me. And I know you think that you said it, but you really didn't. There's something totally different about saying "I'm friends with this really great guy" and I'm thinking I'm going to marry him. I know that it's not like I was the best "long distance..." whatever. We never did give a name to what our relationship was which I guess ended up a bad thing. i thought that since we both loved each other we would still love each other or at least tell each other if something had changed. Carsyn, I know you don't know this, but I had intended to pick things up where we had left off and one day marry you. I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. I know that I didn't keep in touch as much as I should have, and I didn't come visit all that often, but you knew why that was, and I dunno. I just wish you would have told me. It was from I have a beautiful girl that I'm going to marry one day, I love her and she loves me. And then bam. I don't have anything. I wish I could be so angry at you. I wish that I could just hate you. But I can't, and I know that I'll be glad for that later. I still love you, so I want you to be happy. I guess that if he can make you happy then I can be satisfied. I can live with it. I've been praying that I can let go of my bitterness and I hope that I could even someday be friends with your soon to be husband. Just not right now. I guess now I'll just have to figure out a new way to love you. I wish you all the best. I sure hope my invitation to your wedding just got lost in the mail... I still miss you. I know that will take a while. Be happy. Goodbye.