Affirmations

Well, today was interesting... Especially spiritual formation. We were going to talk about judging others and look at the different scriptures on it, but we never actually got to that. It actually ended up being an amazing time where everyone was able to just put everything on the table, and man there was a lot! A lot more than I knew about anyways. But that's not really surprising. So as per usual I just sort of stayed in the background and listened, very interesting and all that (yes I am a heartless jerk hee hee), apparently Lizzy is really tough on me... Didn't ever get that vibe... However I did discover a few things about myself, I still put my value in how dad sees me. Or at least how I think he sees me. And interestingly I found that I really don't know if I truly care about myself. Like, I don't want to get hurt, but I don't really completely care if I'm happy or sick or whatever, I mean, I like being happy, but I don't care if I am. If that makes any sense. And I love Lizzy. A lot. So we all figured out a lot of crap and had some hard cries and then is what I really think we all needed so much, we went around and told every single person one thing that we absolutely love about them. You know, I thought that I was pretty far detached from everyone, but everything that everyone said to me and what I said for people, it was all so meaningful. I think that we really truly love each other. All of us, and really that makes it all ok for me. I mean, that's what I always wanted. I'm going to list these as much as I can remember, although I'm totally going to mess them up. But Ryan, when you're having a crappy day and you need to remember why it is that you even bother going on, when you can't see the good inside you, when you feel worthless, look at what these people, this family has to say about you. And if any of you happen to ever look at this I want you to know that I really love these things about you. It's not just a "Oh, I have to think of something", I really mean it. Here we go.
Julie, I love your incredible passion for everything you do. How no matter what you're doing, your whole heart is in it. Whether it be acting, talking, or trying to fix things by calling us all out on what we needed to deal with, you put all of your heart in it. And by your heart I mean all of your caring, vulnerability, and strength. I know you're strong, and I know that I didn't say that, being as someone else did, but don't ever forget how powerful you are. You can do anything because you Want it. You have all the strength and passion you need. You can do it. I know you care. Your have incredible courage. I can't even understand how brave you are. I know you just think it's natural and how you were raised, but you have the gift of courage. It's so beyond what I've ever seen in people. And to add, from what I've just found out from you today feb 24, your honesty is amazing, and your understanding and insight is pretty awesome too. I really appreciate how you are willing to say "I'm just going to be honest" and then do just that. That takes courage. And you asked me every question that I needed to think of, and my favorite part, you know what your limit is, you know what you can handle and what you are willing to put up with. Thanks for not putting up with my crap. Although, just so you know, I'm still going to ask you how you're doing. I may not be in a position to do anything, but I still want to know.
Ashley, I love your stories. At first I thought it was kind of annoying how much you talked, but now that I'm listening more, I love it. I have the tendency to say I understand if I only half do, but with you, your stories make it so easy to see exactly what it is you're saying. And it's always good. You have some great things to say, don't stop that. Keep telling your stories!
Lizzy, I love how much of an effort you are putting into the relationships here. I don't know if you know how much it drove me crazy last year when you refused, to my face, to allow yourself to connect with us. I am so glad you changed your mind on that. And I love hanging out with you. You remind me of all the things I miss of home. The fun that we have and the work that we do. And I do miss the few conversations that we had last year, but I think that we'll have some even better ones this year. Sorry for dropping the ball on our agreement, I'll try to get back on that.
Ryan, Brad loves your honesty and willingness to be human, with all the failings that come with that. Juli is scared of you (wait, what?? I mean, you're the superwoman, why would you be scared of me?) because you're just like her dad, but you chose the path to keep going. She is so proud of you for still fighting. For still going on. For the strength that you have to go on. Ashley loves that you are still trying to connect with people even if you don't realize it (I mean, "hey, you going to co-op? I'll walk you there". Duh) and that you are an overcomer. That no matter what, you will somehow plow through and keep going, no matter what. Nothing can stop you.
Lizzy loves that even if you're having a crappy day you'll still ask how she's doing and really mean it.
Megan loves that you refuse to give up. How you will keep going when she would have given up long ago.
Sharon loves
Aaron loves that it doesn't matter about whatever crap you're going through, you still care enough to truly ask how he's doing.
ASK LIZZY AND SHARON PLEASE!!! DON'T JUST LEAVE IT!
Megan, last year you scared me. I always thought you were going to stab me in the neck or something. (and apparently I had good reason to think that), but this year I love how much more open you are. If you smile at me or say anything to me it really brightens up my day. I know that sounds kinda odd, but that's me. I also love how you refuse to do anything halfway. If you're tired, you could drop off to sleep right there, if you're frusterated, the whole world better look out, and if you love Lizzy, she's darn well going to know about it! It's such a joy to watch you. You inspire me to do things all in too. Don't ever lose that.
Sharon, I love your passion for God. When you were talking about that book that I forget the name of again at the beginning of the year, I got so excited! And talking about dancing in the rain with God and seeing God in the homeless that we pass on the streets. I really look up to you for that. That's something that I want. I haven't seen that side of you in a while, make sure you don't lose it. It's too good for that!
Aaron, I love how deep you are and how much you challenge me. I loved our few talks from last year. I really really miss them and I'm going to try to have more with you. And I love it how you are strong in what you believe and you don't mind challenging what other people believe so that they will figure it out. I really loved it when you asked me if it bugged me when you swore, but you didn't just leave it at that, you challenged me to look at what I'm doing. I love how you will do or say whatever it takes to get the other person to where they need to be. Even if they hate you for it. That is so courageous. Don't lose that. I love you man.