Discoveries Part 1

So I decided that I'd put up some of the things that I found out about myself in acting, and possibly in other places but I think acting is going to be the biggest one. So I've talked lately with a few people in first year and they told me that I've never actually let anything out on stage. I thought that was silly at first, but Aaron and Juliann told me specifically that I've never actually been angry. Even though I've wanted to be. So today in acting I decided that I would do my very best to just let anything out, not nesesarily anger. Lizzy and I had a really great warm up, so I was feeling pretty good (doesn't happen all that often). But when we got up to do our scene with Tanya, it just sarted falling to pieces for me. I couldn't connect and I kept on getting distracted by Ashley's blue shirt. I was getting so fed up and just frusterated that I couldn't do it right (I know you're not suposed to worry about that, but that's all I have for now) and right near the very end I finally felt something pop. It was really weird cuz I was actually aware of something breaking and I almost thought I heard it. Luckily it didn't distract me so we finished of reasonably well. But then after that I actually visually saw what happened. I actually saw in my head a heart completely covered in chains (there was a yellow background too, that was weird) and the chain that was closest to me was broken. There was one link that had been cracked in half. First off it's pretty creepy that I actually even had that happen, but I think that I now realize why I'm here. I want to teach and that's all good, but I think that I am here so that I can actually get free. I always look at anything that I've dealt with and thought "oh, everyone else has gone through way worse stuff so don't worry about it" but I think that I really am chained. I don't really know how it happened, but I, for once, have something to do for myself. I'm excited!