As I said in my last post, I am going to be looking for things, whether it be books or movies or songs or whatever, that matter to me and affect me. So to start off the list I shall add:
A Bright Particular Star by Ron Reed (play)
Just A Man by Classic Crime (song)
To Save a Life (movie)
Friday, March 25
A little more on the subject of acting
Alrighty, I just went and saw A Bright Particular Star in Rosebud with Grace. Basically it's about a girl who ends up giving up pretty much everything just so that she can act in a play. It's set when theatre was still viewed as an anti-church thing, and she's a Christian girl, so her family, her friends, even her fiance, all fight her to stay away from the theatre. And I'm happy and annoyed to say that it did something to me. Something that I really don't get... What she wanted to do was Shakespeare, and even though she and her family had all done some charity theatre and the Pilgrim's Progress, she wanted to do something that wasn't "preaching". I think that might have been it. That the theatre doesn't have to be all about God and all with a Christian message or whatever. That theatre isn't just theatre for the teaching value and all those things that I said in my monologue (which is in here somewhere if you'd like to read it). Maybe, just maybe, theatre might just sometimes be about being beautiful. Maybe it can be just about having a good laugh, and really that being enough. God loves humor, he loves beauty, so why can't we just revel in that? I'm not saying that everything is good, but I am saying that whatever you or I choose to do or create, can be just as praising to God as singing a hymn. Maybe this is the part that I've been kind of missing in theatre. I don't really know, but I will certainly look into it more! So, for one thing, I'm going to start looking for plays, movies, songs, or anything, that really matter to me. That really touch me. And maybe from that, I can find some sort of peace that I'm missing.
Thursday, March 17
A new and annoying discovery
Okay, first I just want to say that the reason I haven't written anything is cuz I couldn't log into blogger. So I had to e-mail google, and reset my password and a whole bunch of annoying stuff, but I finally got it back! So anyways...
Yesterday Luke, Brianna, and I were talking. Which is something that we usually are not all together to do. So it was really nice and good and fun. I don't remember everything we were talking about, Oh Right! Luke was writing letters to a whole bunch of people and he had written ones for Brianna and I. They were letters of encouragement, so he read them to us, and it was great. I don't remember what it is that he said, except that he knows that I'll be an awesome teacher. Which I already knew, but yay. Them Brianna started talking about how a lot of people have been telling her that they see Jesus in her. She told us a bunch of stories and it was really cool, and she talked about Matt something or other, who is the singer in the band For Today. He also has a sermon/solo series that Brianna had been listening to for a while, and she was talking about one that he talks about how he was talking to Jesus and he asked "did it hurt?" and Jesus replied, "it was worth it". I don't know why, but that made a profound impact on me and made me get all choked up and all those things that I hate and avoid. But I thought more about it, and almost every time someone says anything about worth, about how we are worth so much to God or something like that, I get a pit at the bottom of my throat. And I just can't figure out why! I mean, I already know every human is worth a lot. I know that I am worth a lot, so why is it that this affects me so much? As much as I'd like to, I don't see myself as this terrible person, and I really do know that I am worthwhile, but I just... I dunno. I guess I just wonder. I guess maybe there is some part of me that wonders if I actually am worth it. If I am worth anything. That's something that I struggled with before, and maybe I just never really got rid of it. I think I really need to find someone to talk to about this stuff. I really have a lot more that I need to figure out about myself! I know that I'll talk to Grace, but I don't know if she's ready for this stuff yet. She's still got lots of herself to figure out. We shall see...
Oh! And before I forget, Luke was talking about death letters, which are letters of what you wished you could have said to people if you died. Katie wrote some and then realized that she should actually give them to people. Maybe I need to write a few...
Yesterday Luke, Brianna, and I were talking. Which is something that we usually are not all together to do. So it was really nice and good and fun. I don't remember everything we were talking about, Oh Right! Luke was writing letters to a whole bunch of people and he had written ones for Brianna and I. They were letters of encouragement, so he read them to us, and it was great. I don't remember what it is that he said, except that he knows that I'll be an awesome teacher. Which I already knew, but yay. Them Brianna started talking about how a lot of people have been telling her that they see Jesus in her. She told us a bunch of stories and it was really cool, and she talked about Matt something or other, who is the singer in the band For Today. He also has a sermon/solo series that Brianna had been listening to for a while, and she was talking about one that he talks about how he was talking to Jesus and he asked "did it hurt?" and Jesus replied, "it was worth it". I don't know why, but that made a profound impact on me and made me get all choked up and all those things that I hate and avoid. But I thought more about it, and almost every time someone says anything about worth, about how we are worth so much to God or something like that, I get a pit at the bottom of my throat. And I just can't figure out why! I mean, I already know every human is worth a lot. I know that I am worth a lot, so why is it that this affects me so much? As much as I'd like to, I don't see myself as this terrible person, and I really do know that I am worthwhile, but I just... I dunno. I guess I just wonder. I guess maybe there is some part of me that wonders if I actually am worth it. If I am worth anything. That's something that I struggled with before, and maybe I just never really got rid of it. I think I really need to find someone to talk to about this stuff. I really have a lot more that I need to figure out about myself! I know that I'll talk to Grace, but I don't know if she's ready for this stuff yet. She's still got lots of herself to figure out. We shall see...
Oh! And before I forget, Luke was talking about death letters, which are letters of what you wished you could have said to people if you died. Katie wrote some and then realized that she should actually give them to people. Maybe I need to write a few...
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