So this is love

Welcome dear blog readers! I have a very interesting topic planned for tonight and it's only 1:30! It should be very interesting. It's one that my dear friend David says is the most overused and annoying topic ever thought upon. But I believe that it has a place. And for the moment, that place is here. And the topic is: love. Figures.

What is it? I have heard it said that it is a feeling. But feelings fade.

I have heard that it is an action. That seems to make sense to me, but I think it is a combination of the two. I think that it is the caring of the heart carried out through the body. At least partly.

Love is an attitude. It is the way that you go about your life. With genuine caring for the people around you. And any idiot knows that something genuinely felt must be let out. It simply isn't healthy otherwise. I can tell you for sure that love isn't a feeling. Because a feeling can and will change in a blink. Because we are supposed to love, and a feeling isn't something you can just make. It isn't something drummed up in a factory. But neither is love. Because love is the action to another feeling. It should be the action to any feeling but I don't know if we as humans can do that. It's the way you treat everyone, but for the moment, the one you love.

Love protects. It doesn't allow for anything that can truly damage. It is a shelter from all the feelings that may be raging around. But love will protect. Always. Not because it feels like it, but because it has decided to. It is the decision to protect no matter what, even if it's from you.

Love trusts. Because a person cannot truly live without trust. Trust is what enables us to connect and grow with another person. Love is willing to trust one more time. Even though it has been betrayed over and over. It will always give that chance that maybe this time it'll be different. And who knows, maybe this time it will.

Love hopes. This is kind of a restatement of what I just said. It's saying that maybe this time things will work out.

Love perseveres. This means that no matter what I won't betray you. That no matter what I will fight to protect you. That no matter what I will give you one more chance. That no matter what will really mean no matter what. That nothing will ever stop this thing, this feeling and attitude and posture and action and power. That no matter what, you shall be loved.

What if everything you ever wanted just fell into your lap? What would you do? Huh? Would you pick it up, no questions asked? Or would you question and question and question until there is nothing left? How often in life do we get to have happiness? How often do we get to have exactly what we want? And if we do get it, is it really what we want? Is it really everything we hoped and dreamed of? Isn't it just like life to dangle it in front of our nose and then take it away just when we really want it. When it's at the point of desperation. When you want it more than anything in the whole world. But you're wise to the tricks of the world. So you test it. You poke it, you observe it, you listen to it, and finally you determine that it is the real deal and you open it, but the flowers have already wilted. What will you do then? What if what we wanted was whatever we got? What if we figured out how to be content with what we have and enjoy it for all it's worth? What would happen then? What if you had to fight for it? To keep what you have? How hard would you fight? Or would you just figure that it'll just get taken away later? So what is the meaning of life? It really is Love.

Help Me

Walking through life

Everything's fine

at least on the outside

not so not so

not so not so

so why am I waiting

What 'm I lookin for

is real life on the outside

Then I'm walking through the door

So help me

Help me

Save me

I need you now more than ever

It's a crazy scary world

Not quite what I expected

evrything's angry

not so not so

not so not so

I'm feeling alone

not a soul in sight

enemies surround me

nothing left but the fight

So help me

Help me

Save me

I need you now more than ever

Please hear me

Find me

Save me

I need you now more than ever

Bleeding and broken

nothing left to lose

I throw my head skyward

I'm screaming out to you

nothing left for me here

nothing I can do

but to look to the sky

and scream out to you!!

Help me!

Help me!

Save me!

I need you now more than ever!

So help me!

Help me!

I know you'll hear

And soon be here forever.

Is this it?

Greetings to all of you out there in the land of the future. I sure do hope I find you well and possibly even happy! I'd just like to share a little something with you, if that's all right. I'm addicted to porn. Yep, you got it, that's me. And there's something that I've really been finding is that addictions don't just go away. Once your sucked in it's really hard to ever get out, and then you're still vulnerable. So I've decided to do something about it. So the first thing is definitely telling you all about this on my blog and then we'll see where it goes from there. So what made me able to come out and say that? I'll be it on a very remote part of the web... Well, a few things. Firstly I'm at camp, which kind of has me off balance to be constantly around people who are talking through their faith and experiencing some cool stuff, so that kind of has me off balance which is a really good thing. And then, right near the beginning of camp, Luke comes up to me and out of nowhere asks me what I'm feeling about Carsyn getting married. (more on that later) So I told him. The whole story, which admittedly isn't all that incredibly long, but it's mine and it's special. And then he did this really weird thing that I wasn't really ready for. He asked if he could pray for me. So after a moment of thought I said sure. And then we prayed. That is something I had given up on a very long time ago so it was weird, but it actually seemed to do something. I guess it was the last little push that reminded me for hopefully the last time that I can't do it. This whole life thing is just too hard to deal with so I decided that I would rededicate my life to God. I figured that I can't wait until I get baptized because that isn't the point of getting baptized. It's to show everyone else that I've made the commitment. So now I've decided to keep it. And I know that I'm lazy and can easily get apathetic so if you do read this please pray for me, or just talk to me if you don't believe in this God guy.

So here's what I've decided to do.

I'm reading my bible every night before bed.

I'm going to do something again about my addiction.

I'm going to keep praying for the people that I know need it.

I high-fived my dad yesterday... That's something I've never done before...