Son of the Drunken Prophet

Hear ye hear ye all ye gathered here today, or should I say tonight? Or even this morning! Ahem, listen to the words I have here for ye to hear and with your ever sharpening minds to understand. For you see, all the wallibuts are getting smarter and beginning to leave their dens. It is only time until they are upon the nations of this great land. Only the one who holds the long john sliver shall ammend for the great injustices in the land of Cahoots. And Farfardee. But as everyone knows, they are just a little bit totally off their rocker. And as they rock in their glorified rockers they shall dream dreams of grand bands and loud larynxes. And it shall come to pass that only those dastardly larynxes will be left to pick up the dust in the craters left of this great city that shall stand for a thousand years. Or so they say. They will see. Everyone shall see, for as I have said it will will it come to pass. And only your dogs and cats will mourn you. And possibly your Aunts. We will have to see on that one. And the last dog that ends his time of grief shall rise up and create a new nation founded liberty and dedicated to the proposition that everyone in their right mind would listen to a dog. As it has been, so it shall be. So says the Son of the Drunken Prophet.

Today's the day

Greetings to all you people out there. I have just (actually a few hours ago) had a very eye opening talk with Juliann. Frankly, I don't really remember all the questions that I wasn't able to answer then, and I'm not really sure if I should add them. But there are a few things I would like to highlight. Firstly, I suck at recognizing care. When people ask if I'm eating well, or tell me to wear a coat, apparently they're telling me they care. Good to know. I find it very odd that I never really thought of that. It seems kind of obvious... Secondly, everything doesn't have to have a reason. It's ok to just cry for no reason other than I need to. It's also fine to get angry at God (I already knew that, but just to reestablish), he's big, he can handle it. I am allowed to just be pissed off. Thirdly, it isn't selfish to think of yourself. (Don't laugh, this is big for me) I can think of myself and not only is it ok, it's good. You have to think of yourself sometimes. Four, I can't help anyone if I haven't figured it out for myself first. In other words, I need to get some help. That really scares me. I always thought that I have to do it myself. That I have to keep it all together on my own. And caring about other people (and I do), I usually use as an excuse just to avoid living with me. Fifth, I'm so scared of God that I keep him at bay by blaming him. Cool huh? I'm angry with God because I don't believe that he cares about me. I blame him for loosing Shannon. That's the big one. Shannon was finally someone who I could relate to and be in a good relationship with and then she had to leave. I was happy. That's what I feel I lost and I can't let go of that. And God seems to be the only one I can blame for that. So that's what I do. Frig, a lot of the time I just do the right thing because I think I should, not because I want to or because it's a part of me. A lot of the time I just want to be good enough. I really don't know if I hate myself. I want to say I do, because it would just be easier, but I don't know. It's easier not to care about myself if I hate myself, but what if I really did care? Then I'd have to do something about it. (in case you're wondering, I translate caring into doing for the most part) I don't want to.
And I hate crying because it messes with the vocal cords so it's impossible to have a good conversation while crying. Yes that really does aggravate me.
Maybe life isn't so bad... Maybe.