The 2nd year Cabaret

So for my cabaret piece I've decided that I want to write a monologue about the purpose of acting and art. I decided this not just because it's a very interesting thing we've all been learning about but mostly because I want my family to understand what it is I'm doing at this school and why I think it isn't just a waste of time and effort. I don't really think that they think that, but sometimes I wonder, and I think it'll be a good way for me to remember as well, since I have so much trouble with that. So here's some ideas and sort of a rough draft thing:

My name is Ryan and I am an actor and an artist. You know, artist are really misunderstood nowadays. I'd like to remedy that, so just follow along with me and my musings. First, what is an artist? Anyone who expresses themselves in a creative way. Which is what art is. The uniqueness of every one of us expressed through our God given creativity. I think that everyone is an artist, just that not all of us are practicing artists. Now I don't mean that all of us are painters or musicians, but every one of us is creative. We all have to potential to make or do something that is totally unique. So what's so great about that? Why should we care about art? Because in art there is truth. Oh sure, great what does that mean? Well, truth is what holds our world together, it is the way that the universe really is. The truth is that, no matter what you do, gravity will pull you down, the truth is that murder is wrong, the truth is that sometimes, maybe even a lot of the time, I'm tired, lonely, and afraid. If I express that in my art maybe you can identify with it, learn something from it, connect with it.
That's something that I think we are missing a lot in the world. We have forgotten how to connect with each other. I think that's the reason so many people are so lonely. Which brings me to the actor. An actor's job is to connect. There's more to it, but that's the core of what an actor does. The connection with the other actors and with you the audience is what makes theatre powerful and is what entices you to come back for more. Another thing we do is find truth, or "live truthfully in a given imaginary circumstance"to quote Meisner. Some of you might be thinking "oh, ok that makes sense" but most likely you're thinking "ehhh?". Let me explain. The situations we are put in aren't real. The house isn't really on fire, the kids didn't really run away from home, I'm not really the king of England. But If that were the case what would happen? That's the living truthfully part. If your brother just got shot in front of you, what would happen? That's what we do. A real reaction to something that may not be real. So really we're in the business of truth as well. We look for the truth in the stories we tell. Why? Because stories are how we learn. Pretty much everything you know is learned from other people's stories and your stories. When an actor gets out there to tell a story, they want you to learn from it, to connect with it, and to ignite something. We want to change you. We want to inspire you, ignite a passion in you, teach you something about yourself or someone else. We want you to walk away changed. And the only thing that can do that is truth. Sometimes it's ugly, sometimes it's the very last thing we want to hear, but in a world that is starving for truth, we need it. Why should we deny ourselves that?
And now as a special treat, I have created a movement peace for you. In it is a little bit of myself, a little bit of my story. What I hope is that you can get something from it. Maybe you won't. Maybe it just doesn't work for you, but maybe it will inspire you, ignite something in you. Do something with that. Figure out why. Find the truth.

Well, just so I actually write something for Jan here's a thought flow

All righty, this is going to be interesting. Typing is so much faster, I'm thinking and I can erase sweet! da da da da not dad it's da. I can't remember what this song is something about memories that's it, I guess this is harder, if just because I don't know. Can't think... Just that... hard to not read it because of spelling and erasing and junk. I guess that's another reason for writing instead of typing I really hated doing that, oh aaron, I don't know. That really sucks, and I don't really know how much is true. But I'm a bad judge. I suck at this. I keep not saying what I'm thinking. But it's faster!!! JOYYY!!! Peace patience and so on. I don't really care right now. so annoying. but acting is next and i can't do it and arrrrgggghh! lame. I just wish I would just care about something so I could do it and it'd be good and Id care and crap.. CRAP! Frig, I don't want to do this anymeor. I goe milk, so that's good. tasty. cereal. wooooooooooo annoying song. I'm trying to be nice. Oh Juli, you're not nice. I like it but I don't know, you scare me and make me mad and it's just annoying sometimes. I'm scared in acting rehersal and all that. This is still too slow. I need ablagjs. Yup/ shaker. this is the relax music I miss it. David. I stil don't know. I
'm just jealous. and he's gay. That's hard. I don't know what to do. It's just i can't do it. it's tooo hard to figure it out and I don't want to i don't know go there. or something. I just want to hit something. I never let out my anger. I don't know if I got better, Juli and aaron said I never do but I dtill don't know if I do. It's past midnight. crap! so unmotivated. God. It's just so frustrating that I can't do it. I can't get it right. and it doesn't even matter. For me. I want it 's so hard t oo care I just don't someone needs to smack me. I don't want to do this life. It's not worth it. not suicide. that's a coward.howard. Like in acting improv. it's good. I kinda like it but I don't know. It's just annoying and Peter. I don't think this is getting anywhere. I guess I do need a guiding hand. At least I haven't looked much but I didn't figure anything out. but I never do it's all just lame and I don't get it and I always ssay that because that's what I always feel and i hate spelling and I think too fast for this. I think I thought slower when I was writing because I wasn't moving as fast. that's it done. crap

Love of the inner nature

Why, greetings my dear friends! It has been such a long time since I've written on this stupid thing, but at least I've still managed to keep it to at least one a month. Anywho, last night was our first rehearsal for Funeral Parlor so it was just Juliann and I. It was a very good rehearsal and we got a lot accomplished, one thing of which was an understanding of why the man in the casket (Philip) was special to each of us. (And let me just add that Juli is an amazing actor, every time she impresses me! It ridiculous!) So what we did was we lay down and closed our eyes and imagined the answers to a bunch of questions that our director asked us. After that we discussed it a little Juli said something that really stuck with me. She said "I took a bunch of things that I love in myself and put them into him". Now I know that I always over think things but that made me pause and now I'm going to attempt to figure this out. It made me consider that I wouldn't ever think to do something like that. When wondering why I started to wonder what the things are that I love about myself. So I'm going to start a little list to see what I can come up with.
Well, it seems that I haven't been able to think of anything since last month because that's when I started writing this. I guess I don't like me much. But I did think of one thing! I enjoy my sense of humor. It's kind of annoying because not very many people understand it but I find a lot of things to be humorous so I always have some opportunity to laugh.
I like my incredible stubbornness. It very rarely actually shows because I hardly ever comit to something fully but once I get something stuck in my head absolutely nothing will stop me. I do have a strong will I just don't use it much. Maybe I should use it more often...