Wow, it's May

Well... It's May now... I don't really have any idea what to write, I just figured that I should probably write on this at least once a month just so I don't totally forget about it. It kinda sucks though, I always have things that I think of putting on here, but I'm always out and about when I think of them and then I'm too lazy when I come back. Well I'm pretty sure that now I've narrowed it down to an audience of one. Me. But it's kinda funny cuz I still don't want to put anything too personal in here. Heck. I've never put anything personal anywhere but in my mind. Much less to another person or where they could get it. That's one thing about me that maybe you didn't know. I don't trust anyone. I don't know why for sure. I keep saying it's cuz I've been backstabbed too many times, but I think I'm just cynical. I mean really I've never been through as much as quite a few people I know. It's not like I've ever been so scarred that I couldn't handle it. Maybe that's it. I just can't handle the thought of not being in control. I can't let myself be weak. I can't let anyone find out how they can get at me. Hmmm... Because I think they will. Heh. They'll either attack me for it, or realize that maybe they can't depend on me. I was talking with Luke yesterday after Amy's party, and we were talking a little bit about how important it is to have someone that you can tell anything to. I've never had that. I almost had that with Jon, and then with Carsyn, and then with Shannon. But then they all had to leave. Maybe I didn't trust fast enough or something. Maybe I'm just a big coward. But I've been betrayed by people that I never dreampt of betraying me before. Kayla, Natalka, David... Sigh... Maybe I'm just screwed. That's probably it. Yay.