There is a song that has been really inspiring me lately, though it is just the song written for the League of Legends world series. Not the song I'd have expected to really speak to me, but there you go. I've been thinking a lot about having a warrior's heart. Pressing on against any opposition. Of becoming unstoppable. This song reminds me of a part of the man I want to become, and the man that I slowly am becoming. Enjoy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB8TyLTD7EE
Tuesday, December 18
I are excite for games.
So, I have this friend named Craig, and we ended up becoming friends when we both discovered that we were both independently designing board games with the exact same theme of being Mech pilots. We ended up building some prototypes and testing them out on each other, and have gotten together every once in a while to play games and toss around ideas. Recently though, he's told me about this really cool fantasy setting that he's been developing for the past few years, and we've started brainstorming some ideas for how we could use some of the concepts to create an awesome board game!
The main idea of his setting is that there is this magical dark moon that hangs stationary above one area of the planet. This moon warps everything around it and gives off some sort of magical power that people are able to harness, but it is incredibly volatile and dangerous. And with the moon warping everything near it, the wildlife and even landscape becomes extremely dangerous. So, most of the human population lives outside of the influence of the moon, in the charted lands, but there are some people, either brave or foolhardy, who live in small villages in what is known as the half-moon frontier. Those people will be the main focus of our game. There's a lot more to the lore that is incredibly cool, but it's not super important for gameplay at the moment.
Lies! I forgot that one of the things that the moon sometimes imparts on people is the ability to shape plant life to suit their needs. These growers can use their energy to almost instantly grow a seed into the exact tool they need for any given task. These tools can then later be planted to grow more, which are then traded off to the people in the charted lands. It's only the power of the moon that allows for the sudden growth and shaping. Craig has a few pictures of the kind of aesthetic he wants to go with, and it's lots of intricate wooden buildings, and swords made from hardened leaves. It's super cool!
Anyways, so with the advent of the new Keyforge game, I wanted to do something with it's cool idea. If you haven't already heard, Keyforge is a "unique" card game, which means that every single deck that is sold is completely unique. All the decks are drawn from a set of a few hundred cards, but no two decks have the same combination of cards, and has a unique card back. There is no deck building, you are not allowed to change any of the cards, you just get what you get and play!
So, I love that "unique" idea and was thinking that we could use that for the game in the case of adding packs that would send you on adventures. What I mean by that is... You would start with a starter deck of cards that everyone would have access to, which would represent your village and initial characters in the village that would be able to go on a few simple adventures. But the really exciting bit comes when you introduce packs. Each pack that could be purchased would contain a completely unique adventure, with unique locations to visit, warped monsters to defeat or capture, forgotten treasures and magic seeds, and even objectives drawn from a large list of possibilities.
So you might go out trying to hunt down a monster that was attacking villagers, you may need to make contact with another village, escort an elder to a newly uncovered ruin, search for a lost child, defend your village from waves of enemies, all sorts of things! The top card of each pack would always be a map card, so you would end up exploring during your adventures, never knowing exactly what you might find. I'm not sure exactly how the encounters will work yet, but I want it to be the case that there will always be a few ways to approach things, whether it be in coming across some warped bear and just attacking and killing it, or trying to capture it and eventually tame it, sneak past it, run away, all that good stuff! And with there being a map to explore, it usually won't be the case that you only have one way to go. If you absolutely can't get past that bear, maybe you'll have to see if you can talk your way past a rival group of adventurers by going around.
What I'm working on now is trying to figure out how to make an encounter system that allows for all those different possibilities. I've been studying some other games, particularly the Dark Souls card game and Tainted Grail, which is a new kickstarter game that involves exploring map cards and dealing with encounters through combat or diplomacy. I'm just so excited by the idea of getting basically a new game every time you buy a pack of cards! And by going on these adventures you'll be able to add new cards to your village by finding new blueprints for creating new tools, by capturing monsters that will be warped in unique ways that only you will experience, and by powering up your characters by warping their very essence as they approach the dark moon. I'm so excited!
There's lots more to tell, but I think that's enough for now! It's getting late!
The main idea of his setting is that there is this magical dark moon that hangs stationary above one area of the planet. This moon warps everything around it and gives off some sort of magical power that people are able to harness, but it is incredibly volatile and dangerous. And with the moon warping everything near it, the wildlife and even landscape becomes extremely dangerous. So, most of the human population lives outside of the influence of the moon, in the charted lands, but there are some people, either brave or foolhardy, who live in small villages in what is known as the half-moon frontier. Those people will be the main focus of our game. There's a lot more to the lore that is incredibly cool, but it's not super important for gameplay at the moment.
Lies! I forgot that one of the things that the moon sometimes imparts on people is the ability to shape plant life to suit their needs. These growers can use their energy to almost instantly grow a seed into the exact tool they need for any given task. These tools can then later be planted to grow more, which are then traded off to the people in the charted lands. It's only the power of the moon that allows for the sudden growth and shaping. Craig has a few pictures of the kind of aesthetic he wants to go with, and it's lots of intricate wooden buildings, and swords made from hardened leaves. It's super cool!
Anyways, so with the advent of the new Keyforge game, I wanted to do something with it's cool idea. If you haven't already heard, Keyforge is a "unique" card game, which means that every single deck that is sold is completely unique. All the decks are drawn from a set of a few hundred cards, but no two decks have the same combination of cards, and has a unique card back. There is no deck building, you are not allowed to change any of the cards, you just get what you get and play!
So, I love that "unique" idea and was thinking that we could use that for the game in the case of adding packs that would send you on adventures. What I mean by that is... You would start with a starter deck of cards that everyone would have access to, which would represent your village and initial characters in the village that would be able to go on a few simple adventures. But the really exciting bit comes when you introduce packs. Each pack that could be purchased would contain a completely unique adventure, with unique locations to visit, warped monsters to defeat or capture, forgotten treasures and magic seeds, and even objectives drawn from a large list of possibilities.
So you might go out trying to hunt down a monster that was attacking villagers, you may need to make contact with another village, escort an elder to a newly uncovered ruin, search for a lost child, defend your village from waves of enemies, all sorts of things! The top card of each pack would always be a map card, so you would end up exploring during your adventures, never knowing exactly what you might find. I'm not sure exactly how the encounters will work yet, but I want it to be the case that there will always be a few ways to approach things, whether it be in coming across some warped bear and just attacking and killing it, or trying to capture it and eventually tame it, sneak past it, run away, all that good stuff! And with there being a map to explore, it usually won't be the case that you only have one way to go. If you absolutely can't get past that bear, maybe you'll have to see if you can talk your way past a rival group of adventurers by going around.
What I'm working on now is trying to figure out how to make an encounter system that allows for all those different possibilities. I've been studying some other games, particularly the Dark Souls card game and Tainted Grail, which is a new kickstarter game that involves exploring map cards and dealing with encounters through combat or diplomacy. I'm just so excited by the idea of getting basically a new game every time you buy a pack of cards! And by going on these adventures you'll be able to add new cards to your village by finding new blueprints for creating new tools, by capturing monsters that will be warped in unique ways that only you will experience, and by powering up your characters by warping their very essence as they approach the dark moon. I'm so excited!
There's lots more to tell, but I think that's enough for now! It's getting late!
Wednesday, October 3
Get it off my chest
I'm mad. That's a very very unusual emotion for me, but there it is. I'm mad because I'm hurt. And the only other alternative that I feel like I have is to feel despair. Reminds me of the line from Good Enough by the Vocal Few. "All that you've learned from love is that you weren't good enough."
I'm mad because I don't know what happened. The only thing that I keep coming back to is that I still am not good enough. What else do I have to go on? Going from Friday "I love doing life stuff with you", "You are so good at supporting me and making me feel safe", "You make me feel amazing", "I look forward to marrying you and having sex with you." to distant, distant, distant, WHAM. Your dreams are stupid, I don't support you, I hate that you're intentional and not messing around.
No warning. No buildup. Nothing. From perfect to gone. From joy to despair. Why? WHY?
And I can't even get a resolution. I've tried, but you've completely cut me. From love to nothing. Literally that Friday you said you love me. Literally from love to gone. WHY???
It disturbs me the speed with which I've been severed from your life.
I keep wondering what I did wrong. This is the one relationship where I actually had the right mentality, where I actually was willing to move forward and fight. The one relationship where I didn't screw it up. At least I didn't feel like I screwed it up. The only thing I can think of is not explaining sooner my calling in life. I didn't open up right away because I knew how hard it was to understand and I wasn't confident enough in my ability to explain it. So I left it to Josh. But apparently that didn't help. You still have absolutely no clue whatsoever about what I care about and why. You seem to have been talking to someone who also has absolutely no clue what I care about and why because you had some incredibly ignorant and aggressive questions. And I don't mean ignorant in a derogatory way, I just mean it in the sense that it literally means. Questions that showed you didn't know what you were asking. I'm fine with ignorance, God knows I have a lot of it. But I hate willful ignorance. You should have talked to me. About anything. Anything at all. But you didn't. You led me from one of the happiest places in years to despair. And you have the gall to tell me that you feel like this is the right thing. I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY! I don't for a second want to be with you again, but you should have talked to me. Figured things out with me. It would have ended and that's fine, but you wouldn't have killed me inside. I don't want to see you and have to choose to either feel the hurt or fight it off with anger. I've done apathy before and I never will again. I've grown too much and been way too far down that path. So I feel like all I'm left with is despair or anger. What a choice. I pray for peace or for reconciliation, but it looks like the latter will never happen. So I hope for peace. One month down...
I've learned too much to fall for the lie you believe. I've learned that if everyone in the world says something, the truth is almost always the exact opposite. The world says get a good education and get a good job.
I look at that and think about my family. I think about how incredibly grateful I am that my mom homeschooled me until high school. The influence she was able to have in my life has shaped me in ways far beyond what I understand. But the price to be paid was that dad was at work all the time. All the time. Sixty to seventy hours a week, with home work in the evenings and sometimes the weekends. Literally the only memories I have of my dad as a kid are bad. I remember him rolling his eyes when he saw Luke and I playing lego pretend together. I remember crying because mom couldn't teach me a math problem so dad had to do it. Him being grumpy because he's tired from work and getting so mad that his stupid son can't figure out this simple math problem. I don't know my dad. I love him because he's worked hard for our family. But I don't know him. I know he likes cars, I know he likes classic rock, I know he's good with finances and numbers. I know he makes me feel like an idiot and a failure whenever we have a real conversation. That's it. I Refuse to be that to my kids. Dad did the absolute best he could with what he knew, I know that for certain. But I don't want that written on my tombstone. "He did the best he knew how." I've found a way that I can give my family a better life. A way that I can be a part of my family instead of just a distant benefactor.
I look at that and think about the number one and number two reasons couples fight. The first is over money, because we are taught that a "good job" provides lots of it, and we need to use it. So we make stupid emotional decisions that lead us to anger. I don't want that. So the world's solution is just to get an even better job with more responsibilities and status, or to work longer hours, get that overtime. But that leads to the second problem. Fighting over not spending enough time with them, whether that be kids or spouse or whatever. My coworker is currently getting a divorce for exactly this reason. The husband got a great job as a trucker with way better money and benefits, but then they never saw each other and the relationship dwindled to nothing. I don't want that. So I know what I don't want, and it's what the world offers on a nice easy to understand platter. Yech.
It makes me think about my calling. I have been called to be a teacher, and more recently I've been seeing more and more a calling to leadership as well. So I can take the world's advice and get a good education to become a teacher. But then I have someone else running my life. Someone else telling me when to get up and when to go home, telling me what I can and can't say to my students, telling me that I have to spend time outside of school away from my family, telling me how much I'm worth, telling me when I'm allowed to go to the washroom and when I am not. I dream of finding people who want to grow, and giving them the tools to do so. I dream of leading people to Christ, and not having someone hold my finances in threat against it, I dream of having deep conversations about anything and everything. About pouring myself into people who want to receive. I dream of the day I can be a part of a family and live life with my wife, and not live as a roommate with someone I can have sex with. I have been called to change the world. How can I do that if I'm not allowed to do or say what God asks me to do and say? How can I do that if I can't focus my energy into what actually matters? How can I do that if someone else picks over what I do and say, who can throw me to the wolves?
No one can serve two masters, yet I am living as if that's not true. I follow God, but ultimately, Ray controls most of my life. He tells me when I can wake up and when I can go home. He tells me what I'm worth. I will not live a life of quiet desperation. I have found a way to fight and win. I have mentors who have fought and won. I have embers deep inside that God placed in me. I will not be denied.
I'm mad because I don't know what happened. The only thing that I keep coming back to is that I still am not good enough. What else do I have to go on? Going from Friday "I love doing life stuff with you", "You are so good at supporting me and making me feel safe", "You make me feel amazing", "I look forward to marrying you and having sex with you." to distant, distant, distant, WHAM. Your dreams are stupid, I don't support you, I hate that you're intentional and not messing around.
No warning. No buildup. Nothing. From perfect to gone. From joy to despair. Why? WHY?
And I can't even get a resolution. I've tried, but you've completely cut me. From love to nothing. Literally that Friday you said you love me. Literally from love to gone. WHY???
It disturbs me the speed with which I've been severed from your life.
I keep wondering what I did wrong. This is the one relationship where I actually had the right mentality, where I actually was willing to move forward and fight. The one relationship where I didn't screw it up. At least I didn't feel like I screwed it up. The only thing I can think of is not explaining sooner my calling in life. I didn't open up right away because I knew how hard it was to understand and I wasn't confident enough in my ability to explain it. So I left it to Josh. But apparently that didn't help. You still have absolutely no clue whatsoever about what I care about and why. You seem to have been talking to someone who also has absolutely no clue what I care about and why because you had some incredibly ignorant and aggressive questions. And I don't mean ignorant in a derogatory way, I just mean it in the sense that it literally means. Questions that showed you didn't know what you were asking. I'm fine with ignorance, God knows I have a lot of it. But I hate willful ignorance. You should have talked to me. About anything. Anything at all. But you didn't. You led me from one of the happiest places in years to despair. And you have the gall to tell me that you feel like this is the right thing. I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY! I don't for a second want to be with you again, but you should have talked to me. Figured things out with me. It would have ended and that's fine, but you wouldn't have killed me inside. I don't want to see you and have to choose to either feel the hurt or fight it off with anger. I've done apathy before and I never will again. I've grown too much and been way too far down that path. So I feel like all I'm left with is despair or anger. What a choice. I pray for peace or for reconciliation, but it looks like the latter will never happen. So I hope for peace. One month down...
I've learned too much to fall for the lie you believe. I've learned that if everyone in the world says something, the truth is almost always the exact opposite. The world says get a good education and get a good job.
I look at that and think about my family. I think about how incredibly grateful I am that my mom homeschooled me until high school. The influence she was able to have in my life has shaped me in ways far beyond what I understand. But the price to be paid was that dad was at work all the time. All the time. Sixty to seventy hours a week, with home work in the evenings and sometimes the weekends. Literally the only memories I have of my dad as a kid are bad. I remember him rolling his eyes when he saw Luke and I playing lego pretend together. I remember crying because mom couldn't teach me a math problem so dad had to do it. Him being grumpy because he's tired from work and getting so mad that his stupid son can't figure out this simple math problem. I don't know my dad. I love him because he's worked hard for our family. But I don't know him. I know he likes cars, I know he likes classic rock, I know he's good with finances and numbers. I know he makes me feel like an idiot and a failure whenever we have a real conversation. That's it. I Refuse to be that to my kids. Dad did the absolute best he could with what he knew, I know that for certain. But I don't want that written on my tombstone. "He did the best he knew how." I've found a way that I can give my family a better life. A way that I can be a part of my family instead of just a distant benefactor.
I look at that and think about the number one and number two reasons couples fight. The first is over money, because we are taught that a "good job" provides lots of it, and we need to use it. So we make stupid emotional decisions that lead us to anger. I don't want that. So the world's solution is just to get an even better job with more responsibilities and status, or to work longer hours, get that overtime. But that leads to the second problem. Fighting over not spending enough time with them, whether that be kids or spouse or whatever. My coworker is currently getting a divorce for exactly this reason. The husband got a great job as a trucker with way better money and benefits, but then they never saw each other and the relationship dwindled to nothing. I don't want that. So I know what I don't want, and it's what the world offers on a nice easy to understand platter. Yech.
It makes me think about my calling. I have been called to be a teacher, and more recently I've been seeing more and more a calling to leadership as well. So I can take the world's advice and get a good education to become a teacher. But then I have someone else running my life. Someone else telling me when to get up and when to go home, telling me what I can and can't say to my students, telling me that I have to spend time outside of school away from my family, telling me how much I'm worth, telling me when I'm allowed to go to the washroom and when I am not. I dream of finding people who want to grow, and giving them the tools to do so. I dream of leading people to Christ, and not having someone hold my finances in threat against it, I dream of having deep conversations about anything and everything. About pouring myself into people who want to receive. I dream of the day I can be a part of a family and live life with my wife, and not live as a roommate with someone I can have sex with. I have been called to change the world. How can I do that if I'm not allowed to do or say what God asks me to do and say? How can I do that if I can't focus my energy into what actually matters? How can I do that if someone else picks over what I do and say, who can throw me to the wolves?
No one can serve two masters, yet I am living as if that's not true. I follow God, but ultimately, Ray controls most of my life. He tells me when I can wake up and when I can go home. He tells me what I'm worth. I will not live a life of quiet desperation. I have found a way to fight and win. I have mentors who have fought and won. I have embers deep inside that God placed in me. I will not be denied.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)