Backpacking through life

It's a new year. Yep. I was hoping that the new year would be full of new opportunities, but so far everything has been rather crappy. And considering it's only the first day, that's really not a good thing! But here's the thing, I had a crappy day and ended up calling my good friend Carl, who I haven't had a chance to talk with for a while. Almost over Christmas, but it didn't work out. And I just got to tell him everything that was going on and everything that was frustrating me and it was really really good. I never really talk about myself to people, which is a little odd. But it was good. It was good to process a bit and just be frustrated and angry and tired. I'm too private, and I think that partly has to do with how I always pick the most troubled people as my closest friends. So I can focus on them and help them, but I don't feel I can put any of my problems or frustrations on them. Which probably isn't true, but that's the way I work. But Carl reminded me of something that I forgot, and something I need to do more thinking on. He reminded me that I can always see the good in people and in situations. And that is really important for me to remember because it's true. I often feel like I'm cynical, and to a point I am, but that's really only when it comes to general things. But when it comes to the specifics, to the people I see day to day, I really look for the good. And that gets me into trouble sometimes because I avoid seeing the bad that's going on. That gets me hurt sometimes. I really need to keep looking for the good though, because I'm struggling right now. I can see the good in others but I just can't in myself and my situation. I feel like a failure, like I just can't make it. I feel so tired. I thought to myself this morning, "could someone stop the world please? I'd like to get off". But there is good. I have some places where I'm learning. I have a job. I have friends here that, even if we're not as close as I used to be, care about me and I care for. I miss Rayne though. So much. God give me strength and endurance as I try desperately to run this race. Help me to keep my eyes on you. Happy New Years everyone. Good night.