Feel free to skip

Greetings everyone! This is just going to be a nonsense post because I want to write a post and I have for a while, but I haven't had something that I really wanted to write about. So I'm just gonna start and then finish later. Cuz that's how it usually goes. Hmm... I really miss Lizzy. I haven't seen her in a very long time and I just miss her. I think it's cuz we think so much alike. We were like brother and sister in college. I really miss that, but now it's distance and you know how much trouble I have with that... I really hate distance. It makes me miss out on my love languages and I can't use what I usually do to express my love. I think I usually express with words of affirmation, which I guess can work long distance, but it really isn't the same, and also gifts. I really like giving gifts. But again it's just not the same. Sometimes it sucks being an actor. It's so hard to communicate without being present. When you're talking to someone in the same room you can have long non-awkward pauses, you can take cues from facial expressions, you can communicate with more than just boring old words. Which is another thing that I've been frustrated with lately. I've been feeling lots of stuff, but I just haven't been able to figure out how to express it. Words are just so useless sometimes. They just aren't powerful enough. Maybe that's because we exaggerated so much that when something truly stunning or amazing or terrible happens, we've run out of the really strong words to describe it, so all we have left is adding lots of "really, really..."s. Lame. I still don't have a job. Which is frustrating, but David just dropped off my resume at Marble Slab and put in a good word for me, so I'm not too worried. Although I still need the money for rent on May 1st, so with the way things are looking I'm gonna have to ask dad for money again. I really want to sarcastically say "Thanks God" but I don't even know if I expected him to do anything. I dunno. Faith is really hard right now. Just not having any feeling to it and reading the Bible is getting really dry. I was thinking about getting baptized but I'm just not sure what the point is. I think Grace agrees with me on that. She didn't seem to care too much when I told her I was thinking about it. But she's dealing with something, I have no idea what, so I guess it might just be that. We've not been seeing eye to eye lately, and I'm wondering if her feeling whatever it is she's feeling is what's making it seem so bad. I'm not feeling it right now, but I was really angry (see, it's a really) at Grace. We were talking about politics of all things, and I mentioned that Wildrose is the only party that isn't specifically pro abortion. And then Grace just replied that that wasn't really all that important to her. It was really devastating actually. And that's not an exaggeration. I just felt so completely alone. I mean, every one of my friends here, with the single exception of Michelle who I barely ever see, is not a christian, and it just felt like I had lost my last bit of support. I mean, isn't that what being in a relationship is all about? Being there for each other, supporting each other? I guess I can't really get mad that she thinks something different than me, I mean it's bound to happen and it's not like she betrayed me or anything. No. You know what? It's not that she disagreed with me. We've disagreed before and dealt with it. It's that she didn't care about something that is so important. Especially now. I mean, she is the last person in the world that I would expect to have a secular worldview and she does! I mean, the Bible clearly teaches that murder is wrong and there isn't really all that much more to say! I mean, God directly saying something seems to be clear enough to me! And on that note, why are you so condoning, more than that, encouraging of homosexuality? Again, God very clearly, very directly says that it is a sin and that we aren't to encourage sin! If you disagree with God then why the hell would you call yourself a Christian? Isn't the very definition being a follower of Christ? A follower of God? You're not following him! You are saying something directly in opposition to him. That seems to me to be the very opposite of Christianity. I know that we discussed homosexuality before, and I completely forget what was said, so I think we'll have to do that again, and here's the thing. I really wish I didn't care about this as much as I do. I really wish that I could just let you be wrong, but I can't. God has given me a passion for the truth and when I know what the truth is I need for you to hear it and understand it and agree with it. And I know that I don't know everything, but I do know some things and I do know what I'm talking about now. And feel free to completely disregard everything I'm saying here, but if you do, know that you are disregarding a foundation of who I am. I'm sorry. Just a few notes on abortion before I move on to something unimportant and that doesn't make my stomach sick. I looked up the stats, and found that 42 million abortions are performed every year. That's 115,000 a week or about 16,000 every single day. The second world war was only able to claim 60 million lives in six years. That is terrible. But with abortions we've managed to have a genocide of 252 million babies in the same stretch of time. And it doesn't even phase people. That is truly terrifying. You mentioned that they weren't really even people, but then I would like to ask, what exactly are they? I can tell you that they definitely aren't pigs. They're not dogs, cats, or any other kind of animal. They're human. They're fetuses, then babies, then kids, then adults, then elders. It doesn't suddenly transform into a human being. It's not like it's something inside the womb and then suddenly at birth it instantly transforms into something else. Location, location, location is not the word. I can't see how you can't see. Now I'm done.
So, to get myself out of this bad mood I've gotten myself into, I want to talk about League of Legends. It's a game that I've been playing a lot now that classes are over and I have no job, and I love it. Which is good, because otherwise I think I would go nuts. Anyways it's an Action RTS game (that's Real Time Strategy) in which you and four other people team up together and duke it out against another team of either five other people or computer players. The goal of the game is to destroy the other team's nexus with each team having one on either side of the map. There are three paths connecting the two nexuses and each path is guarded by three towers for each side. The towers deal a ton of damage to the Champions (players) and so you need to destroy them with the help of your minions, little weak computer controlled guys that are really only good for a meat shield. The minions can't be commanded and they just blindly walk along their path until they come across an enemy and then they attack it. So what you have to do is destroy the enemy's minions so that you can follow your minions along to the enemy tower, where you can hammer away at it, while your minions take all the tower's attacks. Defeating minions also gives you gold, so it's a main part of playing the game. Each person playing chooses a Champion and each Champion has something that they specialize in. There are five main types of champions with I shall explain now. If you are still reading this you either really think I'm interesting, or are just as much of a game design freak as I am. Purple Monkey Dishwashers. Anyways, the five types are Tank, Carry, Support, Jungler, and Off-tank. Gotta poo. Be right back. Back! A Tank's job is to stay alive for a long time and keep the other's teams attention. As such, they have tons of health and armor, and they try to stay out in front of their team and be the first to charge in and cause some chaos. The Carry's job is to deal tons of damage. As such they focus on building up their attack and magic damage and not any defensive items. So the Tank protects them. But if they get caught alone by a few enemies, they'll die in a few seconds if they're not careful. The Support is the most interesting and hardest type of Champion, and as such is the one that I am most determined to perfect. Their job is to support the team in any way they can. So that means speeding up their team, slowing down the other team, being able to place wards so they can see when an enemy tries to sneak up on the Carry, and to build items that grant bonuses to their teammates. They usually aren't all that strong, but they are very important because they can tip the balance just a little in the charge and with a few well placed disables. Very tricky. The next is the Jungler! The Jungler is my second favorite, and their job is to be sneaky and do ganks (a quick kill with another teammate). They're called the Jungler because in between the three paths there is a jungle, and in the jungle there are neutral monsters and some of which grant bonuses when defeated. The Jungler usually runs around in there and, since he's already running around so much, helps out on any of the paths (aka lanes) that needs some help. The Jungler is usually quite fast and able to heal himself since he doesn't have any backup. He is the backup basically. And last is the Off-tank. The off-tank's job is to be in between the attack of the Carry and the health of the Tank. They basically make up for whatever the team is lacking in. They're the Jack-of-all-Trades. They're fun because they can deal some pretty good damage, but won't be completely screwed if caught out by themselves. Alrighty! Now that I've told you about the types of Champions, I'm going to tell you about the Champions that I usually play as. Since you usually don't get to chose your teammates, you have to be able to play more than one type of character. Otherwise you'll have a team made completely of Carries that will kill two enemies very very fast and then all die. So, I've been playing as Anivia, who is a Carry/Support, Ryze, who is  a Carry, Warwick, who is a Jungler/Off-tank, Janna and Soraka, who are both Support, and my current favorite, Singed, who is a Tank/Off-tank. As you can see, a few of the champions can play two different rolls, depending on what items you build and what skills you level up. Each champion has four skills and a passive ability. As the game goes on, your Champion will level up and you can increase the levels of your skills and spend the money made by defeating minions and Champions on items. And now I shall describe in detail each of the Champions I like to play! Isn't this just so much fun? I'm having fun!
First, Anivia. Anivia is a flying ice bird that I like to call Articuno! She is quite slow, but also really powerful. Her passive is that every four minutes, if she drops to zero health she can turn into an egg and resurrect if the egg isn't destroyed. Really handy early game, but late game the egg can be destroyed in a matter of seconds so not so useful. Her first ability is a skill shot, meaning it has to be manually aimed as opposed to just clicking on the enemy and hitting him, but it shoots a ball of ice that explodes and stuns anyone in the explosion. Really handy to slow someone down either to beat on them a bit, or allow an ally to catch up. Her second ability is to create a wall of ice that gets bigger the more it's leveled up. This lets her stop enemies from chasing her, block an enemy from running away, or suddenly divide an enemy team in half. It's really hard to time right though, so I'm still working on it. Her third ability is called Frostbite and it sends out an icicle that does a lot of damage and the damage is doubled if the enemy was hit by Anivia's first or last ability recently. Her last ability, called an Ultimate, is to create a small snowstorm that damages any enemy in it and slows them down a lot. So, Anivia has the potential to do some really damaging attacks, but her abilities also allow her to be an effective Support with her slow, stun, and wall. Hard to master, but fun to play!
Next is Ryze, a magician with a big scroll strapped to his back. Ryze is great because all he does is beat the snot out of one guy at a time. Really simple. His passive reduces his cooldowns whenever he uses an ability, which basically means that he can use his abilities all in a row really really fast. His first ability is just to throw a big ball of magic. It does lots of damage. That's all. His second ability traps an enemy in a magic cage for a few seconds and deals some damage. Good for keeping them there to hammer on. His third ability is to shoot out a ball of magic that bounces around a few times. It does barely any damage, but it lowers the enemy's resistances, so the rest of Ryze's abilities will do more damage. Ryze's ultimate is kinda useless, but sounds and looks cool. It makes any of his abilities do damage to anyone around the guy hit and heals Ryze for a little bit of health. It's only really useful for taking down a wave of minions or to create a bit of confusion in an enemy team. So Ryze is simple, easy, and pretty fun.
Next is Warwick, who was my favorite, but I haven't played him in a while. He is a werewolf. His passive heals him a tiny bit whenever he attacks anything, so it's pretty handy to a Jungler. His first ability does a pretty good amount of damage and heals him for a percent of the damage he did. His second ability lets him and any allies near him attack faster for a few seconds. Again, great for a Jungler cuz it lets him make full use of his passive without needing backup. His third ability gives him a movement bonus if he's near an enemy with less than half health. This makes him great at ganks because he and his teammate can get the enemy down to half in a few seconds with the element of surprise, and then Warwick suddenly is a lot faster and can chase the enemy down if he tries to run away. Warwick's ultimate lets him jump out at an enemy and suppress them for a few seconds (so they can't do anything at all) and damages the enemy and heals Warwick. Great to use and then chase with his third ability. So Warwick is a great Jungler and can also be used as an Off-tank if you add some armor because then the damage that he takes is little enough that he can heal it just by fighting back! It's kinda hard to figure out how to jungle well, but Warwick is really good at it and I really like him!
Next is Janna, who is a floating fairy looking lady. Janna is incredibly difficult to play and I'm still really bad at her, but I've seen her played well and she is really effective! Her passive makes everyone on her team just a tiny bit faster. Her fist ability is to make a tornado that can be charged up and then flung at enemies, throwing them up in the air and damaging them. It's a skill shot, so it won't always hit, but it can hit an entire team if aimed right.her second ability passively makes her move faster, and can be activated to slow down an enemy for a few seconds and deal a little damage. Her third ability is a magic shield that she can place on an ally that protect them from some damage and gives them bonus attack. Her ultimate creates a big windstorm that throws any enemies out of it, but heals any allies in it. So all of her abilities can help out her allies in some way, but you just have to figure out when the best time to use them is, and that is very hard to do! But hardly anyone plays Support, so I am going to figure out how to use her well!
Next up we have Soraka, who kind of looks like a unicorn that walks on it's hind legs. She is the simplest type of Support because she just heals pretty much. Her passive makes all nearby allies more resistant to magic damage. Her first ability drops a magic bolt on every enemy near her dealing a small amount of damage and reducing their magic resistance. Her second ability simply heals an ally close to her and gives him or her extra armor. Her third ability either makes an enemy unable to use abilities for a second, or gives an ally extra mana. And her ultimate heals everyone on her team no matter where they are. Really handy in a team fight! So ya, she's really simple and pretty fun to play! Although it's really annoying when the teammate she's with runs off and then yells at her for not healing them when they did something stupid.
And lastly, my very favorite Singed! He's a super skinny guy who has a giant bottle of poison strapped to his back. Singed's passive gives him extra health depending on how much his max mana is, so it makes him a bunch more Tanky. His first ability leaves a trail of poison behind him which damages anyone who steps into it for a few seconds. This makes Singed the perfect RUN AWAY!!! Champion because even if the enemy eventually can catch him, he'll be hurting them the entire time they're chasing after him! His second ability throws a puddle of glue that makes any enemy that steps in it super slow. His third ability is just priceless! It doesn't do very much damage, but it flings the enemy over his shoulder, allowing him to grab one enemy from the enemy team and throw him right in the middle of your team where he will die almost instantly. It's also great for grabbing an enemy that's trying to kill a wounded teammate and throwing them out of range. All it all it's a really funny and fun ability. And his ultimate is also super great! It's called Insanity Potion and it makes Singed faster, do more damage, have more health, have more mana, and basically become a super beast. It's fun to use this ability and watch the enemy cower in fear! Mwahaha!!! I love Singed because he just doesn't die easily and even if he does, he almost always can take an enemy with him! And it's really funny to grab the over confident guy and fling him back to be demolished by you and the rest of your team!
Anyways, it is now bedtime, so I am going to bed! If you actually read all that I am very impressed and maybe you should try it! It's free, and my favorite thing is that each game everyone starts at level one and has to work their way up. So you can potentially beat someone who's been playing for a long time on your very first try! Probably not, but maybe. Anyways, good night!

Life right now

I just want to be okay again. I feel like everything is slowly slipping through my fingers and out of my control. I can't find a job, Mobile Marketeer isn't working, I keep on having to ask people for money, I feel like I'm losing touch with Grace, I don't have the answers. I can't make things right. I just want to be okay again.